I view getting sick as sort of a personal failure. Ridiculous? Yes. Roy has told me so numerous times.
In fact, I have cried tears of true anguish more than once while I’ve been sick, NOT because of the pain, or lack of sleep, but because I see getting sick as a sign of weakness.
Keep in mind that I don’t view getting sick as a sign of weakness in others. When Roy or the kids get sick, my first and only instinct it to simply take care of them. When my friends get sick, I want to make sure they have what they need to get well again.
But when I get sick, it’s my bodies way of failing me. (Damn body!)
I put off going to the doctor until the last possible minute.
I got food poisoning once, and it was bad…like real bad…like it was so bad, I was on the floor dehydrated and needed IV fluids. But I told Roy that he should go into DC, go on to work, I’m sure I just needed some rest.
Hayden was only 4 at the time, and I set him up on the floor in our bedroom. He watched movies, and played with his toys. He seemed to sense how bad off I was, as he was a complete sweetheart he entire day.
Finally, the older boys got home. Corey found me holed up in my bathroom. He begged me to see a doctor, making sure I knew just how crappy I truly looked.
Finally, I made an appointment and dragged myself in. I was told I should have come in earlier, they could have given me something to control the vomiting.
About a month ago, I got a cold. I only felt bad for a couple of days, and then I was back to normal. And then Roy and Dean got sick, and I took care of them.
And yet, I couldn’t shake this nagging cough. Not a little tickle, mind you, but a full on lung hacking cough. A cough that gave me a headache at the end of the day it was so violent.
Addi asked me why I was talking funny kind of cough, and that was when I could talk.
Finally, after about two weeks Roy had had it.
"You need to go to the doctor."
That was his way of saying, “You’re keeping me up at night, you’re not getting any rest, stop the bullshit and see someone!”
So, I went in. And was told I had asthma. I was given an inhaler, and it seemed to help for a few days, and then the cough came back.
I was sure, it was just a relapse, after all Dean had been sick, and when he’s sick he likes to cuddle with mommy. Finally, Roy had had it-again! I made an appointment.
Probably not asthma, more likely an upper respiratory infection and GERD.
What’s GERD you ask?
Acid reflux…so, I was given medication for that.
On Friday Roy took me to get my Christmas present ( a beautiful new tattoo…but more on that later) and sat there patiently for three hours. AFterwards, we were both starving, so he sweetly drove up to the mall, and we decided to go to one of our favorite restaurants.
I couldn’t even enjoy it. I started having a coughing fit, and then my head hurt, and then I indulged in a bout of self pity right there in the restaurant.
"I can’t take this, Roy!" I wailed, tears coursing down my face.
"What honey?" Roy said very patiently.
See, while my body is failing to handle my day to day life, I also think that when I finally decide to see the doctor whatever they prescribe should have magical properties and cure me right away.
"I can’t take the coughing! I can’t even enjoy our nice dinner." I said, and he gave me a small smile.
Luckily my husband has vast amounts of patience, where I have none, and he’s well aware of my eccentricities when it comes to getting sick. He knows that logically, I know the score, but my emotions run high and sometimes I need him to reassure me-which he also does willingly most of the time.
"I know honey, but you have to give the medicine time to work."
At this point, I realized I did NOT see a witch doctor and was not given a magic cure, so while I pouted about that, Roy gamely tried to get his mother’s worth of food, and then he tried to get mine as well.
Finally, he couldn’t stand my pitifulness any longer and he paid the bill and we left.
And finally, almost a week after seeing the doctor, I seem to be feeling a bit better.
So, thank you to my sweet husband for his patience. Thank you to my kids for not giving me too many dirty looks when my hacking interrupted their game, movie, playing, whatever.
And if anyone has the number of a good witch doctor, soothsayer, or magician, please…send it my way….