As I mentioned a few days ago, I’m not really a V-Day person.  I think it’s a manufactured holiday in which florists and restaurants feel justified in jacking up their prices.  

But each of the boys did enjoy buying the little cards for their classmates, so we always do that.  Though, at this point Hayden is the only one that still does it.

We went to Walmart on Saturday and Hayden picked out his cards-Skittles this year.  I think he just wanted to eat the leftovers, but that’s fine.  

Yesterday, he finished up his homework and then started on his cards.  His teacher sent home a class list, and Hayden diligently went to work on his cards.  He wrote people’s names on the little stickers, put smiley faces on them, and then signed his name.  When he completed one, he would cross that person of his little list.

“Mommy, why do I have to give a card to everyone?” 

“Well, isn’t everyone your friend?”  I asked him.

“Well, yeah, but sometimes C (little girl) is mean to me.”

I put my magazine aside, and looked at Hayden, “Oh, she is?  What does she do?”

“Well, sometimes she hits me, and pushes me.  One time when I was trying to sit down, she moved my chair to try to make me fall.”

I tried to stifle a smile, “You know, Hayden, she might like you.”

“What?” Hayden was confused.

“She might like you, and that is why she teases you.”

Hayden thought about this for a minute, “But if she likes me, why is she mean to me?”

Good question.

“Well, she is just a little girl, like you are a little boy.  And she might not know how to tell you she thinks you are handsome, so she picks on you so you will give her attention. Does that make sense?” I brushed his soft brown hair off his forehead and search his eyes.

He shook his head, “I get it.  But if she likes me, she should just tell me.”

My son….so smart.

I am not a big Valentine’s Day person.  I consider myself lucky in that I feel the love from my husband every day.

No, he doesn’t always buy me little gifts, on the other hand, I don’t want them.  If there is something I really want or need, I can get it, I want the little things.

I want him to reach over when we are in bed and rub the back of my neck.

I want him to tell the kids to move so he can sit next to me on the couch.

I want him to pull me into his lap and lay a bit, fat kiss on me.

I want him to open my door for me on date night.

I want him to hold the door for me when we are leaving a restaurant.

I want him to hold my hand when we walk around the mall.

And, I consider myself lucky that Roy does all those things and more.  When I’m exhausted, Roy asks if I want something to eat.  He brushes the kids teeth, and quizzes Hayden on his homework. 

If the kids do something to upset me, he backs me up.  He KNOWS me.  He slows down during a charity run so he can run with me, and right before we hit the home stretch, when I was about ready to drop, he slipped his hand in mine, and gave me that look.

You know the one ladies, the one that says, “I know you can do this, but whatever happens I have your back.”

So girls, maybe your guy doesn’t get the gifts right.  He buys you a shirt, and it’s the wrong color (or heaven forbid the wrong size!).  He gets you flowers, but NOT your favorites.  He buys you a card, and only signs his name.

BUT, if he gets things right every other day, does it really matter if he messes up Valentine’s Day?

We ran out first 5K!  And I did better than I expected.  Didn’t win any or anything, but I certainly didn’t come in last.

I signed Roy and I up for the Amnesty International Couples 5K.  Roy promised me he would run with me, though I told him he didn’t need to, he was more than welcome to go on ahead, as they add the two times together in the end for an ‘official time.’

But he said it was a COUPLES race, so we would stay together.

Boy it was cold!  But it was packed, lots of people all different shapes and sizes came out to support a good cause and to have some fun.  There were a few runners that were obviously in a different class than most of the pack, but they did their thing and we did ours.

It was easy to get caught up in the beginning.  You want to keep up, and for the first 1/2 mile I did.  But the cold got to me.  I was sure we had been outside enough for our lungs to adjust, but after about 3/4 of a mile my lungs were burning, and I was wheezing.  I slowed to a walk, and gave myself about 25 meters to get my breathing under control.

It reminded me of swimming. I used to hate swimming the mile in a meet, it was such a long race, and it was all about pacing and your breathing.  I went right back to that place and got my breathing under control, and started to job again.  And for the rest of the race, that is how I went.  I ran more than I walked this time, and for that I am really proud of myself.  Roy stuck right there with me.  He knows I don’t want a cheerleader running next to me, but he did just enough to keep me going.  If I needed to walk, he slowed down with me.

That last mile was rough.  It was on a trail, which I am not used to running, and me being the wuss I am, running downhill on gravel makes me nervous.  I wiped out on that before, and it doesn’t feel good on the hands!  But we kept going, and that last hill was a doozy!  My legs were burning, and I tried my best to push as hard as I could.  

In the end, I finished with a time of 37:55.  Roy was right in front of me.  It wasn’t fast, and I know I slowed Roy down a bit, but I had FUN!  It was a first for us, and I am so proud that we did it!

My goal originally was under 45 minutes.  Roy said I should shoot for under 40, I said ok, but secretly I would have been happy with under 45.  And when we turned that last corner, and I saw the big clock, I couldn’t believe it!

37:35…

37:36…

37:37….

It was fitting….as we were finishing up the race Nicki Minaj’s Moment 4 Life was playing on my iPod.  I didn’t win, and it was probably a rather slow time, but I did it!  Our first 5K…..

This 37 year old mom of 5 had her little “moment 4 Life” today…and it feels pretty damn great!

My shows are pulling out all the stops for Valentine’s Day.  Flowers, Chocolate, Divorce, proposals, heartache, sex…you name it.  And I’m still a sucker for Grey’s Anatomy. One of my favorite couples is Dr. Miranda Bailey and Dr. Ben Warren.  I like that he just gets her…she neurotic, anal retentive, bossy, and is often bouncing off the walls…but he doesnt’ care, he just gets her.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about the significant other’s in our lives not being able to read out minds, and yet there are moments, when it seems almost as if Roy can read my mind.  He gets me….He knows me.

He knows I love beautiful things-Michael Kors purses, my beautiful butterfly necklace, but he also knows I hesitate to spend that kind of money on myself.  So he does.

Big deal you say, he can afford to buy me nice things.  Sure, but it’s deeper than that.

He knows I like to take care of myself-someone confronts me, something difficult to do, and yet he always knows when to step in.  He always knows when I’ve had enough, when I can’t take it anymore.

Ok, so he rescues me.  I mess up, and he steps in to fix things.  Yes, but it goes beyond that.

I have a temper.  Little things can set me off, I like to vent when something bothers me.  Roy knows when I need to vent, and when I want him to offer something more.

Wow, he listens when his wife talks.  Sometimes he does, not always, but he does when it counts.

I don’t like to try new things, and if I do, I prefer to plan, and research, and get opinions, and visit websites, and look at forums….Roy is different.  He’s willing to take more chances, and he knows when it’s time for me too.

So, yeah, Roy can’t read my mind…but sometimes…once in awhile…I wonder….

Whatever you think of Valentine’s Day-it’s right around the corner.  I enjoy helping the boys-though only Hayden still does this, make all their little cards for their class mates.  I like doing that, Hayden will come home and share his take with me-though I limit myself to one piece of candy these days.  That’s fun.

I have no real interest in going to a restaurant and paying 25% more for the same meal I could eat the day before, but because it’s ‘a special menu’ we pay more.

I am not a huge flower person, especially because they jack up the price on V-day.  Though I will say the prettiest flowers Roy ever bought me, he gave to me one year on V-day.  They were marbled roses-peach with some red in them…beautiful!  And he swears he didn’t over pay.

What I do love are the notes Roy writes me.  Yes, he often buys me a Hallmark, or he used to, the past few years he has made me a card on his computer, and then he always writes something short, sweet and simple, but it always takes my breath away.

We’ve been together almost 14 years.  In those 14 years we’ve had our share of fights, a few times we’ve even thought this might be it, we can’t do it anymore, but those times are few.  For the most part, these have been the best years of my life.  We have grown as a couple, we have raised the boys (and continue to do so) and watched them grow.  Shared their triumphs, and taken care of them when they were sick-together.

As I have said before, we don’t have all the answers.  But what I find amusing is, almost every magazine does something about couples this month-interviewing them, sharing their stories, etc.  And to be honest, I don’t want to hear from a couple that’s been married for 9 months!  They’re still in the honeymoon phase!  The first nine months of our marriage were over and done with in the blink of an eye.

I want to hear from couples that have been married for 20, 30 or even 40 years.  Couples that have gotten through a serious illness, that have seen all their children grown up and move on to have families of their own.  And while it’s cute to hear the story of a couple who’s biggest fight was over the color of their bathroom paint, I want something more. 

Real Simple did a profile of a couple that have been together for over 60 years!  60 years!  He still has the convertible that he picked her up in for their first date.  How sweet is that….

Magazines often do celebrity profiles-it’s wonderful that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have been together for 6 years, but what about Elizabeth Banks?  She has been with her husband almost 20 years, and still talks about how much she loves and respects him.  Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman-maybe not as pretty as the Pitt/Jolie clan, but together over 30 years!  Let’s hear about them…

I’m not saying newlyweds, have nothing to share, but I do think the couples that have been together longer have MORE to share, and I wonder why they aren’t he focus of those articles? 

It only took me an hour on the phone, but the rep from Carnival was very nice.  We got our cruise booked!  YEAH!  August can’t come soon enough for me.

Going to leave from New Orleans this time, and we are all looking forward to seeing the city, even if only for a few days….can’t wait!

Corey just got his first tattoo.  Well, he got it a few weeks ago, and my mom can’t believe we let him get one.

But I figure, how can I say anything!  I have five!  Sure, I am older, he is only 17 (almost 18), but he came to us with an idea, and I have to say I liked it.  It meant something to him, and actually it is sort of an extension of one I want to get.

One of our favorite artists is P!nk.  She is just ‘rad’ to put it mildly.  She’s brash and ballsy, and I completely love that about her.  Her song “Raise Your Glass” has one quick scene in the video of two young men celebrating their marriage.  But there are also scenes, of people that one might look at and see something…different.  A young girl dressed all in black, kids that skate (so of course they have that requisite look), gay youths, a nerd that doesn’t care what people think…and she’s telling them to just Raise their Glass and enjoy being YOU.  I want all my boys to do that, to see the world that way.  

When the song came out, I would walk around constantly singing it, so would Corey.  I told him that I was going to get “Raise Your Glass” possibly on my wrist, maybe on my side.  He said, he wanted to get “Wrong in all the Right Ways.”  And he did.  He showed Roy some fonts he liked, Roy helped him tweak it a bit, and he brought his finished product to me and asked if I would come with him.

My parents didn’t think I should, my in laws said let him wait until he is 18, but why?  Some people put their art on the wall, some of us get inked.  I told him as long as he understood that this was permanent, this wasn’t something you got for a little while and then took off when you were tired of it.  This was going to be with him forever, did he get that?  He said yes he understood that and still wanted it.

So, Roy and I took him to the young man that did our most recent tattoos.  He was upfront, said some of the lines would be tough, so he asked if he could rework it a little bit, and when it was all said and done…it looks really great!  I know Corey, sees it and is reminded that no matter what some people say or think, he is ok just the way he is.  That the big things-being a good person, working hard, being kind..he has those covered.  When his brothers asked him about it, and he explained it to them…they got it.  Same with his friends.

I am glad to see that tattoos are becoming more acceptable.  I’m sure some would say that they are ‘trendy’ that everyone has one, and yet, doesn’t that just mean MORE people are coming to understand that being inked doesn’t make you a reprobate, it doesn’t make your weird, it simply means you choose to wear your art on your body, as opposed to hanging it on your wall.

But be careful…they can be addicting!  Corey is already planning his next one, Joe wants one, and I’m always thinking about one or two…

With five kids at home, I take date night seriously.  When Roy and I plan to go out, I do my research-or ask Roy for help.  The last restaurant we went to was Passionfish in Reston, and it was a total and complete home run!  EVERYTHING about the meal was wonderful-the food (of course!), the service, the decor, the ambiance-just a wonderful time.

So, we decided to go out this past Friday.  There was a restaurant I wanted to try-Blue Duck Tavern in DC.  Trendy, but supposed to have very good food.  Well, we had a quick stop to make before hand, and unfortunately it wasn’t quite as short a stop as we wanted and we missed our reservation.  Oh well!  So, Roy worked fast and got us a reservation at Morton’s Steakhouse in Georgetown.  Not our first choice for the night, but we both wanted to try it, so why not?  Got down there, found parking-which is completely nerve racking for me to begin with in Georgetown.  My car is so big (Ford E350 13 seater) that finding a garage that my car fits in is almost impossible, and Roy’s car is so nice, that I don’t want to drive it down there to begin with!  That leaves Corey’s car-which smells like food and old soda..no thanks, and of course it’s too cold for one of Roy’s bikes…sooo…we take his car and hope for the best.

Anyways, we park and walk to the restaurant.  I put on heels and was just trying not to break my ankle on the uneven pavement (yes, I suck at walking in heels), when our destination popped up ahead of us. 

We went in, and to be honest, it wasn’t really what I expected.  It was sort of dark, not skeevy dark, but I felt like I was being led to a backroom poker game, and I wondered if I knew the password.  So, we are shown to our table, doing good so far.  OUr server, and very sweet young lady brought us the cocktail menu.

And right off the bat, I was surprised.  I don’t mind paying for an expensive meal, but the prices on this menu, I knew this was gonna be a doozy.  BUT, I heard this was the place for steak, so we went with it.  Roy got an old fashioned (I LOVE the name of this cocktail) and I got a Skinny Blood Orange martini.  A few minutes later we are brought our cocktails-as soon as I saw Roy’s served in a martini glass I should have been on notice.  You don’t serve an old fashioned in a martini glass-you serve it in a lowball tumbler!  Ok, whatever.  The drinks were tasty, so I let it slide.  (but, I mean really what was I going to say anyways?)

We were then given our menus-and there it was..the prices (the fact that they dont’ put prices on their menu on the web, should have alerted me this was gonna be CRAZY!).  Pricey, but right there on the menu it says-The Best Steaks Anywhere.  Ok, show me what you got.

I had Tuna Tartar at Passionfish and absolutely and completely loved it.  I would go back there just for that, so we ordered that as an appetizer. Roy ordered a Cesar Salad, and we told our server we were going to share both.

The Tartar was ok-but for $18 I expected something more.  Unfortunately, our Tuna Tartar was more tomato than Tuna, but ok.

The Salad was ok, but it’s a Cesar salad, how bad can you mess it up?  Ok, my crouton was sort of stale and and soggy at the same time, but whatever.

BUT, here is the kicker for us.  We were there, we were out and I love being with my husband, so we decided to go for the Double Porterhouse-a 48 ounce steak for two, cut tableside.  Pricey-$114, but we decided to do it.  Remember, best steak anywhere!  To go with that we ordered Grilled Asparagus and onion rings with Thai Dipping Sauce.

We don’t cook steak at home a lot.  Cheap steak is a joke, and why even bother?  It doesn’t taste good, and sort of ruins the meal.  On the other hand, with 7 people that all LOVE good steak it’s pricey, but when we do it at home, Roy and I get the best we can find, and Roy always cooks it.  So, I figured we are at a place that bills itself AS a Steakhouse, I thought the porterhouse would be an experience-we both did.

What a joke!  It was brought to our table, and it looked good!  We asked for it medium, and this was perhaps our fault-when it was cut it was up rather high and we couldn’t quite see it.  So, the manager cut it, and served us and then left.

“Honey, I don’t know about this.” Roy told me as he looked at his steak.

“What?” I looked at mine.  The lighting wasn’t great in the restaurant, and I have crappy eyesight.  It looked a little…well, red…but ok. “Hang on, let me try it.”

My first bit was ok, a little rare, but nothing offensive.  My second bite…steak tartar.  And while I LOVE Tuna Tartar, not interested in steak tartar.

“Oh, Roy.” I admit it, I tried not to gag, “That was raw.”

“Ok, put your knife down, we need to send this back.” We sat there, and munched on our onion rings, which were tasty by the way.

Finally, the gentleman that sat us, came by and asked if everything was ok.  Roy told him that our steaks were not medium.  The guy promised he would handle it.

A few minutes later, they were brought back, and it was obvious they had just slapped the filets back on the grill.  not sure what I was expecting them to do, but if it was cooked better, than ok.  

IT was NOT.  Mine was charred on the outside and still almost raw on the inside.  I had ordered another cocktail and was feeling a bit tipsy, so Roy and I at this point just sort of laughed over things.  BUT I could tell it was getting to Roy.  On date night he enjoys taking me to nice places, he enjoys having a meal we can reminisce about and remember, this was going to be one of those, but NOT in a good day.

“Oh, wow,” I was chewing a piece of meat and Roy looked over at me.

“You ok?  What’s wrong?” Roy asked me, with his hand on my back.

I tried to be as discrete as possible, but I spit out the piece I was chewing on.  Yes, I spit out a piece of my $114 steak.  Honestly, it was bad.  Not just sort of bad, but full on gross.  Charred on one side and raw on the other.

“Honey, that was gross.  Not just bad, but gross.” I told him.

He shook his head.  I cut around my meat trying to find the parts I could eat, but so much of mine was either charred or raw that I ended up leaving about 65% of my steak uneaten.

Our server asked if everything was ok, and Roy told her the issue.  I just wanted to get out of there, we were both so disappointed.  The manager came by again, and said that it is such a big piece of meat it is hard to get right.  Sure, we understand that, BUT when you say right on your menu-The Best Steak Anywhere- and it’s ON the menu, I was expecting a damn good steak!  But even if it had been cooked right, there was virtually NO seasoning on it…not a bit!  So, on top of being raw or charred, it was tasteless!  He wanted to buy us drinks-no thanks…or drinks were fine, and I was already tipsy.  Dessert, no thank you, I just wanted to leave, and there is a little place in DC that has some really good Frozen hot chocolate, that we KNOW is gonna be awesome.  He said when we came in again, mention his name and we will get the VIP treatment, again, with all the GOOD (some great) steakhouses in DC, why would I come back?  And then we get the bill

$235.  Frankly, I didnt’ know what to do?  We were so unhappy with the meat, on the other hand, do we just pay and take it up with their corporate office?  What should we do?

Roy handed over our credit card, and I could he did so reluctantly.  When he got it back, he cringed signing the slip.

We like to try new restaurants, new things-and again, we aren’t opposed to saving some money up so that we can splurge on a special night out, but this one was SO disappointing.  The steak wasn’t even mediocre, it was BAD.  We have never spent this much on one meal for just the two of us, and frankly, the best thing I can say about it was one of my cocktails was pretty good.

To put it into perspective.  Roy came to me last night,

“Come on honey, let’s go to Chili’s.”  he joked that he wanted to make it up to me, though he had nothing to make up.

We go to our local Chili’s often.  We sit in the bar, order the same stuff and usually the same young lady serves us.  She knows what we like, and always has a friendly smile for us.  Roy had a beer, I had my usual-a Mango Daiquiri.  We ordered the chips and salsa (my favorite!) and the triple dipper-we get the Southwestern Eggrolls and two orders of the Big Mouth Bites.  Roy had another beer.  We spent $45 dollars (that included a 20% tip) and had a better meal and a better time.

So, I ask you-how would you have handled the bad meal?  Did we do the right thing?  I’m still unsure…

I don’t have all the answers, hell one couple in our little town just celebrated their 70th anniversary and even they say they don’t have all the answers, but after almost 14 years together I know this-My husband can’t read my mind.

IN our 13 1/2 years together, I will say this-we have had more good times than bad.  Even the ‘just ok’ times, have been pretty darn good for me.  Sure the big gestures are nice, the extravagant family vacations are wonderful and the kids love to reminisce, but the little things are pretty cool too.

The way Roy smells when he crawls into bed at night.  The way he rolls over at night and seeks me out even while asleep.  Joe playing squinkies (if you don’t know what they are, where have you been?!) with Dean.  Corey taking Addi out for Chinese food.  Hayden slamming into the house, cheeks red from the chill in the air.

Roy spending the day (yes, the entire day…) washing his car, while I read silly blurbs to him from my women’s magazines.  Or finding a movie the whole family digs and sitting around the family room with them watching it.

BUT, Roy won’t know how much these little things mean to me, unless I tell him.  It isn’t that he’s clueless, far from it.  It isn’t that he’s dumb, he’s one of the most intelligent men I know.  It’s that after being together for this long, and having five boys-I finally realized men just don’t see things the way we do.

There were times in the past when this made me CRAZY!  Roy and I would get into a fight, or my mom would hurt me, and I would go to Roy fussing and venting.  He would do one of two things-tell me how to ‘fix’ the problem (UMM…excuse me!  Are you implying you’re smarter than I am?  I didn’t ask you to fix anything!) Or he would stare at me and say as little as possible.  (HELLO!  McFly, anyone in there?) Both approaches DROVE ME NUTS.

And yet, if I have EVER sat Roy down and said, “Look, I really need you to do this, this and this for me.  It would mean a lot, and I need you.”

He has NEVER let me down.  Sure sometimes, we can’t do this, this and this.  Sometimes he doesn’t do it the exact way I pictured, but he has always tried, and he tries for me.

Men can’t read our minds, and that doesn’t make them bad or wrong, it just makes them different.  

Ok, we already filed ours.  I admit it, I want to know first thing if we are going to owe anything, and if not, sure I would like my refund.  There is also another reason I prefer to file early-has to do with my ex husband…but wont’ get into that.

Anyways, even though we are lucky and Roy makes a good living, with the five boys, the house and what we try to donate, we usually get something back. 

Again, I know we are lucky that we don’t have to count on our refund to pay bills or get caught up on the mortgage (knock on wood).  We usually look forward to it, and do something fun-last year I got a new dryer!  YEAH!  We give the kids some money so they can get something they really want, Roy will get something he really wants, but views as a luxury-I usually get something pretty I have been drooling over but could never justify.

This year we decided to put a good portion of our refund towards a down payment for another family vacation-yep another trip on the big boat.  

And because I want to lock in my price, I admit..I would like my refund.

BUT, some of these sites are CRAZY! People bad mouthing the IRS, calling 10-20 times a day, etc, etc.

There is a link on the IRS page where you can check on your refund status…if you check it too many times you get locked out.  Not sure how many is too many, but really wow?!

I get it, it sucks waiting, but bad mouthing or yelling at Customer Service reps isn’t going to get you your refund faster.  What’s bad is they usually farm out calls to call centers, and the people there have limited information and are just reading a script.  They are doing a job, for a paycheck, just like everyone else.

I will say it again-if you are due a refund, of course you want it whether you ‘need’ the money or not, but driving yourself crazy over it, will not get it to you any quicker, and will do nothing more than make you crazy….