Yesterday, Roy and I were at the mall.  We had decided to strike out on our own.  We were unsure of what to do, where to live, but we knew two things:

We love each other and were going to make our relationship work.

And that we had a little one on the way.

I also knew that I needed to get some new pants.  Though I wasn’t very big, I was getting there.

We found some overalls that I could comfortably wear, and we went about our day, secure in the idea that we had a few more months to figure everything out.

We were wrong.

Late that night, you decided that you were coming.  It didn’t matter that it was early, it didn’t matter that we weren’t ready…you were on your way.

And on March 18th, our little Addison was born.

To bring you home, your dad had to run out and buy you a carseat, we were that unprepared.  

But from that moment, you were the light of his life.

The first picture I have of the two of you is him holding you, and you were so small he could hold you with one hand.  You curled your tiny head up to his neck and nestled in, and there you would rest for the next few months.

Yes, your dad would put your down, but not often.  If he wasn’t holding you, I was.  If I wasn’t your Mema or Papa was, as they graciously let us stay there while we searched for our first home.

You had long skinny monkey toes, and tiny fingers that would grip me tightly. 

You had wild, dark brown hair that was so soft, so sweet smelling that I held you tightly to me for hours just taking you in.

And you had some health problems, but nothing we didn’t meet easily and together.  

You were what made us a family.

And now, 14 years later, you are still the same sweet boy I used to hold so tightly, but because you are a teenager, we don’t see it as often.

Instead, we get some attitude, and some snark, but when you do let us see what’s underneath it all.  When we do get to see your heart, I’m reminded of the little boy that decided to make his presence known even though he was a bit early to the party.

HAPPY 14TH BIRTHDAY ADDI!  WE LOVE YOU

Addi turned 13 yesterday.  We have three teenagers at home right now.  It’s such a milestone for kids, and to be honest it’s even a milestone for parents.

It’s been many years since I could hold Addi in my arms, cuddle him to me.  It’s been many years since he crept into our room in the dead of night, scared because of a bad dream.

He talks to Roy about girls and the ‘girlfriends’ he has, or rather had, apparently she broke up with my little guy. (Can I be annoyed with a 13 year old girl?) 

He knows what he likes and doesn’t like (likes to play “Minecraft” on the computer, hates NOT playing “MInecraft” on the computer). 

He gets more phone calls and texts on his cell than Roy and I put together.

And yet, he still struggles.  Addi has been diagnosed ADHD, and while we stress to him that isn’t an excuse to do poorly in school, we would be remiss if we didn’t acknowledge that it DOES cause some issues for him.

If he likes the teacher and the subject things go well.  His tech teacher is a very nice guy-very engaging and tries to make the class fun for the kids.  He spoke highly of Addi’s intelligence and praised his hard work.  If there was an issue he always contacted me as soon as he could, but he never phrased his emails as if he were insulting Addi.  Instead, he almost dismissed a bad behavior, putting into the context of Addi having a rough day, but he knew that tomorrow would be better.  Addi responded very well to him, did well in the class, and eagerly signed up to take his advanced computer class in 8th grade.  Other teachers, and classes…not so much.

But he is learning, that he won’t always get lucky.  He might have some teachers that he doesnt’ mesh well with, but that doesn’t mean it’s ok to use that as an excuse for poor grades and/or behavior.

He is almost taller than I am, a milestone the two older boys couldn’t wait to hit, and Addi seems to be no exception.  (Though none of them is taller than Roy yet….) He likes being able to wear the clothing in the ‘adult’ section of the stores, and he appreciates that Roy and I now trust him home alone for a time.

I remember his first step.  Roy was holding him and then all of a sudden Daddy let go.  I reached out to him and he took two steps towards me, of course I squealed with delight, that scared him and he plopped on his bottom and cried, thinking I was hurt or scared.

I remember pulling up in my car one day after a quick trip to Walmart and seeing him running around with a stick in our yard.  I think he was about 8 years old.  It was a beautiful, spring day.  The sun was out, and just starting to set, so it was that quiet, pretty time of day.  He was laughing and running around, holding a stick up as high as he could.  I watched him for a moment, and finally he saw me.  He waved and ran over to me.  When I asked him what he was doing he said he was waiting for a bird to land on the stick. I went in and told Roy what he was doing, and we got a chuckle out of it, but I dearly miss that sweet innocence.

As the boys get older, they lose that.  They start to see the world more clearly, see the dismay and unhappiness so many feel, and though Roy and I want to shield them from it, I think that would be doing them a disservice.  We can’t shield them from reality, but we can be there to reassure them and comfort them if they need it.

And yet, as they get older they need less and less of that reassurance and comfort. They become more secure with themselves, they have a better understanding of what they are capable of.

It’s a matter of pride for Roy.  He is so proud of the boys-each milestone they reach, he sees the hard work he puts in as a father paying off.  He sees the tools we try to give the boys coming into play.

But as a mom it’s a bittersweet time for me.  I share that pride with Roy, but I am also sad because i see them pulling away.  I see them needing me less and less.

As a parent my ultimate goal is to help my children become strong, independent, productive members of a community.  I want them to succeed in life and be happy.

But sometimes, I just want to hold them and remember than they used to be little boys that needed their mom.

Addi is having a rough time in English this quarter.  Each quarter the students are supposed to pick a book to read from a list (a rather HUGE list, so everyone can find something that interests them). After they complete the book, they are to take a test in the library.  These are called AR tests, or Accelerated Reading tests.

Addi needs 20 points this quarter, only has seven, and the book he is reading is worth 12 TOPS.  The quarter ends on the 20th.  Roy and I have been pushing him to finish up his book.

I am standing at the table cutting out box tops when Addi comes over and stands by me.

I slide his book over to him, “Come on, Addi!  Read a few pages, a chapter, something.  Please take this seriously, as seriously as you do your dumb video games.”

Dean who is at the kitchen computer decides he needs to chime in, “Yeah, Addi, video games!”

“Hey, now!  You shush it.  You like video games too.” I replied to our little trash talker.

“No, I don’t… I like you!” Dean tells me.

My little charmer… he is gonna get all the girls! And maybe straight A’s if he chats up the teachers like that.

Today was a good day. I was thinking that as I drove back into my driveway, and yes I know it’s only noon.  And then the old Ice Cube song popped in my head… anyways…

Took Addi in for his ADHD check-up.  I think we finally have a medication regimen that is working for him. In the past the medication has interfered with his appetite, and he is a VERY picky eater to boot.  Well, he has gained 11 pounds since March!  He was so excited!  (He is happy to gain weight, I am struggling to lose it…) He is starting to fill out, and he is eating better, more open to trying new things.  YEAH!

Hayden has his first ‘test’ today for this school year.  I quizzed him yesterday, Roy quizzed him last night, and I did real quick this morning.  But I told him to just take a deep breath and do his best.  He was excited, and he said he is ready…

Ran to Target today… best store EVER!  I love that some of the more expensive designers do small collections for Target - more affordable and accessible.  This month it was Missoni - famous for it’s bright knitwear… well, our Target had very little!  Very disappointed.  Guess I’m gonna have to look elsewhere - Roy will be thrilled to hear that.  And since most things are sold out online, I hope I can get lucky.

And finally, I was driving home from the store in my big green van, and in front of me was a Prius.  The license plate said:

51MPG&U

I had to hang my head in shame… my big green van gets about 21 on the highway, 15 in town.  But I don’t drive it a lot! We’ll miss our Prius gas mileage, but the replacement sure is nice.

I have a huge Ford E350.  That one’s my car.  Big green beast I named Godzilla.  It needs new tires here shortly, and I was trying to price them this morning.  Looked at Costco’s website and apparently I would have to call.  So I was curious and decided to see how much tires would cost for Roy’s new car.

Now, we just bought this thing.  It’s a 2009 metallic Black Dodge Challenger SRT-8.  It’s a big, heavy sexy car.  And it’s Roy’s new baby.  He dries it by hand, cleaned out the garage (after living here for almost 8 years I think this is the first time we have routinely parked a car in the garage), and even took stuff that has been sitting in the garage for years to the dump.  Roy even joked with me that my jeans better not have metal brackets on them.  This car is his pride and joy. And I admit it… he looks really sexy driving it.

So, anyways… I am looking at tires for it, just trying to price it and get an idea.

$1300 for four!  WHAT?

“Lordy!” I walked out and said this to Addi.

“What?” Addi asked.

“Do you know how much tires for your Dad’s car cost?” I asked him.

Now, Addi is only 12.  He doesn’t know much about cars yet. “Umm… $50?”

I laughed, “Nope, try again.”

“80?”

“Nope!  Higher.”

“Higher than 80?  That’s a lot of money.  200?”

It’s funny to hear that $80 is a lot of money for a tire, “Higher.  A lot higher”

“Really?  Like maybe 600?”  I shook my head, “800?”  The look on his face was priceless.  He was simply amazed that tires could cost this much.

“Try almost 1300 for four tires!” I said.

“WHAT?  Dad should just go to Ron’s Used Tires!”

I had to laugh. Ron’s Used Tires is a small tire shop located around Virginia that “specializes” in used tires (but carry new ones too).

I couldn’t wait to tell Roy this one.  And I was right about what he would say, 

“Umm… No.  I don’t think so.”  Roy said in reply, quickly! Yep, I knew he would say that.

Just a few funny little things the boys said over the past few days:

Addi:
School started for the four older boys last Thursday, and the teachers are passing out the ‘getting to know you’ worksheets.  Addi’s math teacher did this as a homework assignment Monday.  I asked him to let me look over it, and one of the questions, along with his answer caught my eye.

“Addi, really?  The best answer you can come up with to this question is ‘good’?”

“What question?” And he moved to take the paper away from me.

I moved it out of reach, “Please describe your attitude towards math this year.  You put ‘good’. That’s the best you can do?  Can’t go into a little more detail?”

I handed him the paper and reminded him of a few small things he missed.  He set about to fix the issues and brought it to me about five minutes later. 

“Ok, mom!  Done.”

I looked down at the question:

“Please describe your attitude towards math this year.”

Sure enough he had erased ‘good’… and replaced it with ‘awesome’.

Dean
We were sitting on the couch this morning watching Good Morning America (got to see who’s on Dancing with the Stars this season and all!).  And they have snippets of local news on during the show.  Our local weatherman came on and proceeded to share the weather report with us:

“It feels good in the DC area this morning!  69 in DC, 64 in Richmond, 61 in [name of our town].”

“HEY!” I exclaimed, “We’re in [name of our town].”

Dean looked at me, with his big brown eyes and broke into his cheesy grin, “We not in [name of our town], Mama.  We in our house!”

My boys… so smart!