As I mentioned a few days ago, I’m not really a V-Day person.  I think it’s a manufactured holiday in which florists and restaurants feel justified in jacking up their prices.  

But each of the boys did enjoy buying the little cards for their classmates, so we always do that.  Though, at this point Hayden is the only one that still does it.

We went to Walmart on Saturday and Hayden picked out his cards-Skittles this year.  I think he just wanted to eat the leftovers, but that’s fine.  

Yesterday, he finished up his homework and then started on his cards.  His teacher sent home a class list, and Hayden diligently went to work on his cards.  He wrote people’s names on the little stickers, put smiley faces on them, and then signed his name.  When he completed one, he would cross that person of his little list.

“Mommy, why do I have to give a card to everyone?” 

“Well, isn’t everyone your friend?”  I asked him.

“Well, yeah, but sometimes C (little girl) is mean to me.”

I put my magazine aside, and looked at Hayden, “Oh, she is?  What does she do?”

“Well, sometimes she hits me, and pushes me.  One time when I was trying to sit down, she moved my chair to try to make me fall.”

I tried to stifle a smile, “You know, Hayden, she might like you.”

“What?” Hayden was confused.

“She might like you, and that is why she teases you.”

Hayden thought about this for a minute, “But if she likes me, why is she mean to me?”

Good question.

“Well, she is just a little girl, like you are a little boy.  And she might not know how to tell you she thinks you are handsome, so she picks on you so you will give her attention. Does that make sense?” I brushed his soft brown hair off his forehead and search his eyes.

He shook his head, “I get it.  But if she likes me, she should just tell me.”

My son….so smart.

seeing my little one on the bus smiling.

Hayden is like Roy, NOT a morning person.  But this morning, he got up with a smile, ate all his breakfast, got dressed and even danced with me in the living room.

When it was time to go he put on his jacket (without being told!) got his backpack, and grabbed my dog for me while I put my shoes on.

ONce outside, we joked around, and he told me he almost has his chart full in running club.  And then the bus came.

Every day I take him out, put him on the bus and then wait on the porch to wave goodbye to him.  If I don’t wave, he always says something to me.

Today, I heard his friends calling him as soon as he climbed the stairs-our Hayden is a popular little guy!  

I waited on the porch, and when the bus turned the corner, I waved and smiled.  His back was too me, and for a second I was sad (silly I know) but then he turned around, plastered his face to the window, blew me a kiss and waved wildly.

Happiness for me this morning was knowing my baby didn’t forget his good old mom, even though he was surrounded by all his friends.

The older boys started their second semester today.  This is Corey’s last semester of high school.  I can’t believe it.  Unfortunately, our silly son put off his foreign language requirement. (To get the advanced diploma, kids can either do a minimum of three terms in one language or two terms of two different languages.) Corey did French in eighth grade, and than switched to Latin in 9th and 10th.  His schedule for his junior year was a mess, and it actually took us about a week to figure something out, but he couldn’t fit a foreign language in.  For some reason, he didn’t want to take Latin 3, so four years later he is taking French 2!  I wonder if he is going to remember anything.  He got straight A’s the first semester, so he is aware that a bad grade in French could affect his GPA.  

Joe is taking Spanish 3, and if all goes well, he will be done with his Foreign Language requirement.  For some reason, Joe has a real problem with his Foreign Language class.  I think he is like me and getting up to speak in front of the class is bad enough, but doing it in Spanish makes him very nervous.  He will also be taking his classroom portion of Driver’s Ed this quarter.  He hasn’t really done any driving since getting his permit, perhaps taking Driver’s Ed will give him the confidence to get behind the wheel.

Addi’s new semester brings a number of changes with it.  No more Science; he moves to History.  Tech is done, and he will be taking an Art class.  And no more Agriculture (which I think he took for the wood working); instead he will be taking PE.  A HUGE part of PE in middle school is simply dressing out and participating.  Addi likes PE, but remembering to bring his uniform is always a challenge for him.  I know he is a bit bummed that he won’t have Tech anymore, as he got along very well with the teacher, and he loves working with computers, but he also likes to draw, so hopefully he will enjoy Art class.  (Lately he has been telling me he wants to be a Tattoo artist part time…)

And Hayden’s school schedule will pretty much stay the same.  His teacher is on maternity leave.  Actually she had the “New Year’s Baby” in our little town!  Hayden got a kick out of seeing her in the newspaper holding her new little boy.  The substitute is actually a retired second grade teacher, and Hayden really seems to like her, though I know he misses his teacher.  I put him on the bus this morning, and he told me that he has Library, so he will get some good books for us to read.

Oh, and today we are taking Joe to the oral surgeon.  He has to get all four of his wisdom teeth pulled.  We’ll see how much damage that is gonna do to the pocketbook!

Lots of changes, should be fun!

What? I’m sure you read that title and were surprised, but here’s the thing.

I won’t always be around to pick them up. 

I’ll use school as an example.  The kids do homework and forget it at home. I’ll take it to school ONCE, after that too bad so sad.  They can explain to their teacher what happened and ask to turn it in late.  Maybe she/he will let them, maybe they’ll be penalized, maybe they won’t, but they are on their own.

Same thing with NOT doing homework.  I am very clear with the boys about what I expect.  Roy is very clear what he expects.  You don’t do what we expect? YOU will face the consequences.  

I’m not unrealistic in my expectations.  I don’t expect the kids to ace every test.  I don’t expect them to ‘get’ every subject, but we do expect them to try their best.  If their best is a “C,” ok.  But if you get a “C” because you don’t do the homework and screw around in class, we have a problem.

Teachers email me asking me to ‘fix this issue.’ Ok, I’ll talk to my kids, and if they are acting up, they will have consequences, but I’m NOT going to stand over the older three (17, 16 and almost 13) and force them to do their homework.  They aren’t hurting me.  They are hurting themselves and disrespecting their teachers, and there will be a price to pay, but I will not do the work for them.

Why won’t I push them and stand over them?  

Because, I won’t always be around.  I won’t go with them to college.  I won’t hold their hand at work. I won’t ask a girl (or boy) out for them.  Sure, we’ll empathize with them when the proverbial s**t hits the fan, but I’m not going to bail them out constantly.  Success has rewards, but failure also has consequences.

And you can either pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and move forward, or you can let the failure get you down.  Roy and I will give the kids a push occasionally, but we can’t pull them along this tightrope that we call life.

I have touched on this in the past, but writing about the Love we wish for our sons, got me thinking about teens and dating.

I do not have a daughter, so maybe someone with more experience in that venue can weigh in here.  Though I remember what my parents always told me and what I heard when I used to coach teenagers.

Boys don’t necessarily talk about their heartbreaks/breakups with their friends.  When they do, it’s in a very different context.

“Hey, what’s going on this weekend?” Says Boy 1.

“Party.  Aren’t you going out with Jill?” Says Boy 2

“Nope, we broke up.  Where’s the party?” SAys Boy 1.

It’s always very matter of fact, with the idea that they need to move on heavily implied.  With our own boys, I have asked them if they are ok, do they want to talk about it, etc., etc.  

When I was a teenager, I had a few boyfriends.  When things didn’t work out, my mom made it a point to tell me that these things happen, but that sometimes it is for the best.  Of course, I didn’t want to hear that… I had just been dumped, or broken up with someone I cared about!

In looking back and from talking to her, she told me what she tried to do was make it a point that just because my teenage love didn’t work out (her words… teenage love) didn’t necessarily mean that he was a bad person.  It didn’t mean I was right, and he was wrong, or vice versa. She never tried to shield me from heartache.  She comforted me (when I let her… I was a teenage girl!) and told me that tomorrow things would look different. My dad simply said he agreed with my mom and did I want to go get some ice cream.  Or more often I heard from him that mom was right, and now I needed to get ready for swim practice.

I have friends that have girls, and for many it is a very different outlook.  They want to protect their daughters from heartbreak.  How can they fix it so she doesn’t hurt?  How dare that boy ask another girl out?!

And yet… heartbreak is a fact of life.  Things won’t always go your way, and if you can rise above it and move forward despite the hurt, more times than not, things get better. 

You can’t fix it for your child!  And why would you want to?  Are you going to monitor their lives forever?  Fix the memo to their boss for them? Yell at their boss when they get fired? 

And so what the boy asked another girl out!  Or your daughter asked another boy out… or your son asked another guy out, on and on and on.  Do we expect our children to perpetually wallow in the aftermath of a relationship that most likely, in the end, will mean very little to them?  

Do we expect our children to meet their ‘soul mate’ in 10th grade?  

Kids will fall in and out of love (lust?), and it isn’t our jobs, as parents to fix all the heartache and drama that goes along with this path.  Isn’t it our job to simply be there for them and remind them that, no matter what, we love them?  That, no matter what happens, they can take something from the relationship that just ended?

That better things are right around the corner?

My kids aren’t perfect.  I know that; I get it.  Do I want to pretend they are?  Sometimes! What parent doesn’t?  But in my heart, I know my kids have flaws.

So, when a teacher calls or emails me, I do my VERY BEST to not immediately jump to the idea that my little one could NEVER do anything wrong, and they must be out to get my angel.

BUT, if you take the time to email or call, TELL me what he did wrong?  Don’t allude to him maybe being rude.  Don’t imply that he MIGHT have been talking out of turn.  Because you then tell me to please discuss this with him.

Ok, I can do that, but guess what?  I’m going to get HIS version, and I promise you, HIS version will make him seem ‘not so bad.’  And being the intelligent woman I know I am, I’m going to assume you (you, being the teacher) are not really upset because my son was whispering to his friend to simply ask for a pencil. There had to be more to it, right?

I know that this might seem like I am coming down on teachers. I am NOT trying to do that.  But, despite what some teachers have said on this very forum in the past, THIS parent does want to know when her kids act up, and I would like to know what they did to warrant In School Suspension or Lunch Detention, so that I can deal with it, which in turn will hopefully make your classroom a more desirable place for you to do your job - teach our kids. And I can’t do that if you don’t tell me what my kid did wrong.

Addi is having a rough time in English this quarter.  Each quarter the students are supposed to pick a book to read from a list (a rather HUGE list, so everyone can find something that interests them). After they complete the book, they are to take a test in the library.  These are called AR tests, or Accelerated Reading tests.

Addi needs 20 points this quarter, only has seven, and the book he is reading is worth 12 TOPS.  The quarter ends on the 20th.  Roy and I have been pushing him to finish up his book.

I am standing at the table cutting out box tops when Addi comes over and stands by me.

I slide his book over to him, “Come on, Addi!  Read a few pages, a chapter, something.  Please take this seriously, as seriously as you do your dumb video games.”

Dean who is at the kitchen computer decides he needs to chime in, “Yeah, Addi, video games!”

“Hey, now!  You shush it.  You like video games too.” I replied to our little trash talker.

“No, I don’t… I like you!” Dean tells me.

My little charmer… he is gonna get all the girls! And maybe straight A’s if he chats up the teachers like that.

The past few weeks have been HECTIC!

Roy and I made plans to do some last minute shopping on the 23rd of December.  I had it all planned - shopping, lunch (an early anniversary outing at my favorite place [The Melting Pot], and then home.  Well, the boys knew we had plans, but Dean was so sweet and just wanted to be with Mommy and Daddy.  He started to get that look on his face - you know the one that says “if you leave me, I might lose it!”  So, I said he could come with us.  NOT quite what Roy had in mind, but in the end, he was fine with it.  Dean was a wonderful little helper!  Roy did his thing, and Dean and I looked for a few more things for his brothers.  He helped me pick out a very nice cardigan for Corey, and we found a silly Invader Zim hoodie for Addi.  He carried the bags for me, and we enjoyed a little cookie while we waited for Roy to meet us.  Little did I know, Roy was trying to get in touch with me so I could try on some shoes so he could figure out what size to get me… the cell reception in the mall is ridiculous!  I mean, there is none!  But we finally touched base, and I ran to Lady Foot Locker.  I teased Roy that he was trying to tell me something with his gifts to me, but he got me exactly what I wanted - a few more pairs of compression pants for jogging, some cold gear shirts (including the EXACT Under Armour black pullover I wanted!), and some brand new running shoes!  Purple - love them!  

Christmas was great!  This entire holiday season - from Thanksgiving through Joe’s birthday on January 15th - I promised myself I would just… chill.  No stressing about this or that… it will get done.  Keep Thanksgiving dinner simple… done!  And we all had a great time!  Same with Christmas.  The boys wanted pretty straight forward things this year, so that is what we did.  Christmas dinner was a shrimp boil - Roy baked, and my parents came over.  That was great, the kids loved it… everyone was relaxed, and we just had a great time visiting - though my sister’s crazy dog was here. I think it is fair to say that we are all glad she (the dog) is back home with them.  My carpet was not happy, nor was my little dog.

New Year’s Eve was low key.  We had a nice ham dinner, again Roy baked Blackberry Cobbler (SO good!), and then just chilled.  Addi, Corey, and Joe made it to midnight, but Hayden and Dean did not - although they put up valiant efforts.  I kissed my husband at midnight, and we rang in the New Year’s snug in our room. 

And then New Year’s Day, we got up and went to my parents for another nice visit.

Tomorrow the boy’s go back to school, and then Wednesday Roy is back at work.  Thursday our baby turns 4 (Angry Birds Cake… he is gonna love it!), and on January 15 Joe will hit the big 1-6!

It’s been a crazy few weeks, and I am sure the next few weeks will be hectic as everyone settles back into their routines, but I’m looking forward to an exciting 2012.  Hope you are as well!

1) You should always know your Target! - Roy is watching something about guns and shooting, and this little pearl of wisdom comes from the guy on the show.  ALWAYS know your target, that way you won’t shoot a family member, a friend, or a neighbor.  So, those are my options?  Shoot a paper target, a family member, a friend, or a neighbor?  (Ok, I get what he is saying, but the WAY he said it…)

2) Ivy League colleges accept people with no common sense - Won’t say who I’m talking about though…

3) My Dog is Jealous - He goes nuts when Corey’s dog comes near me, especially when I have food.  Wait… maybe he goes nuts when Corey’s dog comes near the food…

4) I am Dean’s Womey - Roy always jokes with Dean that he needs to stop kissing on his woman.  Dean’s answer to Daddy saying that is “No, she’s my womey.”  Roy said I could be Dean’s womey, but I’m his woman.  That seemed to satisfy Dean.

5) Hayden is not a morning person - And I have no patience for dealing with his whining.  EVERY morning I hear the same thing.

“No, Mommy.  I’m tired.”

“I know you’re tired, Hayden. I am too, but you have school today.”

“Can’t I stay home?”

“No, Hayden. Time to get up.”

“You never let me do anything!  You’re so mean.”

Same conversation, every morning.  It’s getting kind of old. Perhaps tomorrow I need to switch things up a bit.

6) My dishes procreate at night - I’ve said this before, but I’m pretty sure I have proof now.  I think my crockpot gave birth to five bowls last night.  Dirty dishes took over my kitchen counter.

7) December has shorter days - Now it’s winter, so the days seem shorter.  I’m pretty sure there are like 5 hours instead of 24 hours each day.  How else could it already be December 19th?

8) I am woefully behind in my Christmas shopping - But for once, I’m not stressed out.  I’ll get it done this weekend.  Roy’s off and the boy’s will be out of school.  Which means, Roy and I can hit the stores alone for some last minute shopping.  I’m actually looking forward to it!  Crazy, right?  At least if things get nasty none of the kids will be there to see my downfall.

9) Hayden stresses about his grades - He took a test on Friday.  It was about Magnets.  I helped him study, Roy helped him, and Joe helped him.  He was ready.  He asked me at least four times this weekend if I could check his grades to see if the grade was posted online yet.  Friday he asked me if there are 25 questions, and he misses one, is that still an A?  What if he misses two?  He’s in second grade!  High school is gonna be a bitch!

10) I’m old - I could be a grandmother in less than 10 years!  I think I’m having chest pains right now just having typed that… no, seriously… I am!

Why…

-do the kids always have to go to the bathroom right before the bus gets here?

-do the kids think school lunches are like ‘so awesome, mom,’ but the healthy, fresh food I make for them is like ‘gross and yucky?’

-did cable constantly stop my DVR recording a minute before my show was to end, thereby making me miss the cliffhanger? (So glad to get rid of cable.)

-do I hate running on a treadmill, but like running outside?

-is a 35 pounds child awake so much easier to carry than the same 35 pound child that is passed out?

-does my most favoritest designer in the whole, wide world NOT participate in Black Friday?  Not even free shipping?  (Of course that doesn’t stop me from buying stuff there. But, hey, I’m just wondering.)

-does my dog bark at presents under the tree?  No, he really does. He barks at the presents.  And no, they aren’t toys that happened to switch on in the box or anything.  He literally just barks at a present sitting under the tree.

- are men afraid of the phone?  Ok, Roy isn’t really afraid of the phone. He just dislikes talking on it, but then that means if there is an issue with a product, a bill, etc… I am the one that sits on hold for 30 minutes… Oh wait, maybe I just answered my question.

-do people, especially teens, always complain about remakes?  Sure, that’s more proof that film makers are running out of ideas, but it seems pretty simple to me… If you are against remakes, don’t see them!  On the other hand, it’s pretty silly to dismiss something simply because it’s a remake, or a reboot, or a revamp, or whatever the cool term is today.

Why? I ask you. Why?!