It’s September 11th.  I wonder if there is anyone over the age of say 17 that doesn’t remember where they were 10 years ago. 

Roy was getting ready for work.  He was going in a little late that day, and he was rushing around trying to get ready.  I had already put the older boys on the bus.

“Roy, turn on the TV!” I yelled up the stairs.

“I’m coming down.  What’s up?”

“A plane crashed into one of the Twin Towers.  I wonder what’s going on?”

We still weren’t sure what was happening, when Roy left for work.  About 15 minutes later I called him on his cell.

“Another plane crashed into the other tower.” I was close to tears at this point, “The news is saying it’s a terrorist attack.”

“My god.”  Roy was silent.  I’m sure we talked for a few more minutes, and then we hung up.  When he got to work, he called me.

“I’m gonna put you on speaker. So we can all hear what’s going on.”  Roy and his co-workers crowded around the phone.  American Airlines Flight 77 crashed into the Pentagon at 9:37am, and there was silence.  I don’t think any of us could believe what was happening.  I sat on the floor with Addi in my lap, as Roy, his co-workers, and I all listened intently to the newscasters, who were just as stunned as all of us.

Around 10am word got out that a plane crashed somewhere in PA.

“I wonder if that has anything to do with the other planes?” At this point, most of Roy’s co-workers had gone down the hall to watch on a larger TV, but Roy was still on the phone with me, “Maybe passengers were able to overtake the hijackers?”

Roy and I pondered this for a few minutes, and then I told him to go watch with his friends.  Addi was getting fussy, and I needed to get him something more to eat.  

As the morning wore on, it became clear that brave passengers were able to fight the terrorists, and the plane was intentionally crashed to prevent the passengers from completely taking back the plane.  

“I need diapers.” It was probably around lunchtime, and I knew I couldn’t put it off any longer.  I had two left.  I bundled Addi into my car and drove to the store.  

Aside from employees, I was the only person in Target.  As I was paying, the young man checking me out asked if I had any more news.  He had come into work after the second plane crashed and was not aware of the plane that hit the Pentagon, or the plane that crashed in PA.  As I told him, he shook his head and looked down, I could see the tears falling from his eyes.

“What is going on today?”  His voice shook.

“I don’t know, sweetie. I just don’t know.”  I rarely call people I don’t know terms of endearment like that, but something told me he needed that.  As he handed me my bag, I squeezed his hand, and he nodded at me.  I took my things and hurried out of the store. I wanted to be home.

The kids were released from school early, and I met the boys at the bus stop.

“Mommy!  What’s happening?”  Corey was scared, and he put his little arm around Joe on one side and held Addi’s hand on the other.

What did I say?  What do you tell a 7 year old?

“Some bad men crashed planes into buildings in New York City and Washington DC.”

“Where’s Daddy?!” They asked. Roy worked near DC then, but not IN DC.

“Daddy’s at work.  He is ok.”

As we were getting out of the car, Corey asked, “Why did the bad men do that?”

I smoothed his hair from his face, “I wish I knew, honey.”

The rest of the day was silent, except for the TV.  The boys played quietly, and I watched in horror as they showed the footage of the twin towers collapsing over and over.

I cried most of the day.  I think we all knew that this COULD happen, but no one wanted to believe that this WOULD happen.  There was a collective loss of innocence that day.

Over the next few weeks as they started to release the names and photos of those killed, the nation mourned for their families and friends.  We mourned for the victims.  We watched as the brave men and women from the NYPD and the Fire Department and other volunteers pulled people and bodies out of the rubble.

I was afraid to send my kids to school. I didn’t want Roy to go into work. But life had to move forward.  Slowly, we found our footing and started to put one foot in front of the other again - unsure and with a trepidation that wasn’t there before. But we took those first few steps.

And now ten years later, Joe is mowing the lawn, Corey is studying, and the little boys are watching Nickelodean.  Life has moved on, but we still remember.

We plan certain things in advance.  With seven schedules to deal with and juggle, some things require advance planning - the birthday outing for Hayden the other day, a trip to Busch Gardens, a weekend camping excursion, or a family vacation (that one can require SERIOUS planning). None of that is easy with seven people.  Roy might need to take time off work, I need to check with the kids’ teachers to make sure they aren’t missing anything, appointments might need to be rescheduled, etc..  And on the day of the event, tensions might be high.  If we have a long drive ahead of us, I want to start EARLY.  So, I get up get ready, and then run around trying to get everyone else up and out the door.  Because of all the planning and maneuvering, expectations are high.  At Busch Gardens we try to please all of the kids - going on roller coasters for Corey, Joey, Roy, and I, looking for rides that fall somewhere between death defying and boring for Hayden and Addi, and then finally a little something for Dean.  Everyone expects to have a good time, and we usually do.

Some of my favorite memories of the past year are from family outings to Busch Gardens.  Hall-O-Scream is a big deal down there.  Haunted Houses are set up, shows are reworked. Even the stores have special treats.  A few years ago we went and I clung to the back of Corey’s shirt while we walked through a haunted house.  I screamed with delight, and the boys all laughed at and with me.  When Corey tried to take off and leave me stranded, he didn’t count on me holding on to his shirt collar.  I ripped it, but when we got outside, we all laughed about it.  This past year, Corey made sure Joe knew it was his turn, and Joe made sure to wear an old shirt.  We walked through the house and I clung to Joe, I laughed when he tried to “throw me to the (were)wolves.” He pretended to comfort me as we walked around corners and down dark alleys.  Addi clung to me, and Roy carried Dean.  Hayden walked with Corey, and the two of them laughed and pointed at all the ‘scary monsters.’  It was one of the best Halloweens in a long time.

But again, that was planned.  The idea that we were going to have fun was so firmly planted in everyone’s mind that the kids expected nothing less.  When we go camping, I try to plan things - not over plan as I have learned that causes more headaches than it is worth, but I try to plan things so that everyone will have fun. We will get to have new experiences, and some old, reliable ones as well.

But it is the little things that make me happiest.  This past weekend was a dreary one.  It drizzled all day Saturday, it was cold and no one wanted to do anything.  I was sitting on the couch watching something.  (Pretty sure it was The Vampire Diaries.) Dean was sitting next to me, curled up into my side, and Hayden was playing with Legos on the floor.  Addi was on the computer, and Joe came running down the stairs and flopped on the couch.  

“What’cha watching, Mom?”  I told him, and he snorted.  He then proceeded to sit on the couch making snide comments.  Nothing ridiculing or insulting. He just tried to make me laugh.  Hearing this, Addi came over and joined in.  Hayden not knowing or really understanding what Joe was saying started laughing simply because I was, and Dean giggled when Joe tickled him.  And in that moment, I felt such joy.  The everyday problems were forgotten, the bills that needed to be paid were pushed to the back of my mind, and instead I sat on our couch and laughed with my boys.

Sunday we were eating dinner, and Addi made some silly comment.  We all laughed, but then Roy made a comment under his breath - a little risque, and the younger three didn’t really get it, but Corey, Joe and I did… and we cracked up.  Roy took one look at my red face and burst out laughing.  Hayden tried to join in, but didn’t really understand why we were laughing, so whatever comment he made was even more hilarious.  Joe had to stop eating less he risk choking, Corey was about to fall into my lap he was laughing so hard, and I was getting a great ab workout from all the laughter.  I don’t remember what was said, I just know that was one of those moments, when we were all on the same page.  We were all in on the joke.

There are times when my house is crazy - chaotic doesn’t begin to describe it. And yet, it is moments like those that make me realize… I have never been happier.

2010 is coming to an end.  Roy was joking I need to remember that when I write checks.  2010 has been quite a year.  Let’s take a look…

-January: Dean turned 2, and Joe turned 14.  Corey got his permit, and I did our taxes for 2009.  I also got my fuzzy baby - Shinobi.

-February: We got our tax return, and I needed a new washing machine, so I got every one up and dressed, and we drove to the mall.  We had a great time, and then coming home, we caught the beginning of what would become the great snow storm of 2010!  Roy and Corey were so nice though.  They brought my new washing machine in anyways, even though it was snowing all over them.  Valentine’s Day was quiet this year.  I am pretty sure Roy cooked steaks for me.

-March: I turned 36, and Addi turned 11.  If anything else of interest happened in March, I don’t remember it! OH WAIT!  I remember something - Joe started spring baseball!  Lots of double headers, but at the end of the season, he won the award for most improved! We were extremely proud.

-April: Hayden turned 6 and had a birthday party at the local bounce house!  My sister and niece came down, Hayden got a lot of presents, and Roy and I spent a small fortune, but it was a good time. I think we drove down to GA for Spring Break too, or maybe that was in March… I’m getting old.

-May: Not a whole lot here.  I think the kids were just biding time until Summer Break.

June: SCHOOL’S OUT!  And we became acquainted with the local swimming hole, rope swing and all.  We spent many a hot summer day hanging out here.  At the end of June, Corey and Addi left for an extended vacation - Mema and Papa’s house in Georgia.

-July: Our oldest turned 16!  I missed him dearly, but I know he had a great experience visiting his grandparents.   He was away on his birthyday, but around the middle of the month, we packed up the crew and headed down to GA to get the boys.  I was NOT looking forward to driving Corey’s new (well, new to him) car home.  On the other hand he said that was one of his favorite memories from summer - the two of us took the first leg of the trip driving his little Camry back home, and we rocked out to music, he told me all about his visit, etc.  I drove 12 of the 13 hours it took us to get home… NEVER done that much straight driving in my life!

-August: Schools back in, suckers!  (I think that’s from a song, maybe a cartoon… a movie?  I don’t know.)  After a short summer break, Corey started his junior year, Joe his freshman, and Addi started middle school.  Emily started another year at middle school.  Hayden rode the bus with his friends to first grade, and Dean and I would wave at them from the porch.  Hayden also started his second year of flag football, with Daddy coaching him again. Go, Terrapins!

-September: Joe was settling into high school and got his JROTC uniform.  I love that he is enjoying this class so much.  Addi was adjusting well to middle school, though he is still under the impression that a locker is really a big metal trash can with a lock.  Corey is merely biding his time until he can get his license and drive to school.  Emily turned 13, and Roy hit the big 33!

-October: I think the kids were just looking forward to going to Howl O’Scream at Busch Gardens.  I know I sure was.  The $200+ we spent on food was so worth it!  And no, I am not being sarcastic there.  Everyone had a great time.  We laughed, hung out the whole day as a family, and hit every single haunted house.  I even kept my eyes open for most of them… though I did have a blast laughing and screaming.  Corey started his Driver’s Ed class, and got ready for his third year of swimming for his high school.

-November: COREY GOT HIS LICENSE!  I can’t believe it.  Roy and I were really proud of him, and happy to see that he is becoming a responsible and careful driver.  We had a wonderful Thanksgiving with my parents, and the Turkey was, once again, moist and DELICIOUS!  Though I should have bought a bigger one.

-December: We had a White Christmas!  Okay, a white Christmas morning, cause let’s be honest, it only snowed for about 10 minutes, but it was still pretty.  ALL the kids were here for Christmas, so we had six kids tearing into presents.  I yelled at everyone to throw away their trash, and Roy told me to chill out!  Just like every other year.  We celebrated 11 amazing years of marriage, and we did so at The Melting Pot again - my favorite restaurant!  Corey got his parking permit and started driving to school, and I am pretty sure I hear the sighs of relief from he and Joe every morning.  Heck, I am happy too!  That means, I don’t have to pack up the baby and drive them to school at the crack of dawn when they have a project too big to bring on the bus!

And now, here I sit on New Year’s Eve.  Typing my last post of 2010.  Only 4 kiddos home with us.  We don’t have any big plans for tonight, I am not going to slip into some tiny dress.  We aren’t going to some club to spend too much money on drinks and be jostled by the drunken masses.  Instead, we will be at home, warm and cozy by the fire.  The kids will probably be asleep, though perhaps Corey might make it until midnight - I can’t guarantee I will.  But if we are both awake, Roy and I will have a sip of some ChocoVino (don’t ask), I will kiss my handsome husband as the clock strikes midnight, and I will thank the powers that be that I had another great year with my husband and my sweet kids.

BUT, NEXT year-when I am down to my fighting weight, Roy will be spending too much for a lousy buffet and a second rate DJ - if only so I can show off my tiny dress, AND my sexy husband!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!  May all your resolutions come true!  Or at least last until February…

It’s been 11 years since I walked down the aisle.  11 years since my father took my hand and “gave me” to Roy.  It’s been the best 11 years of my life!

Well, 12 1/2 years really, because the time before our marriage, our “courtship,” was pretty rockin’ too!

The first day we met, Roy told me I smelled good.  I am sure I blushed and tried to brush it off, but he persisted and asked me what kind of perfume I was wearing.  I told him, and he continued to flirt with me.  (about six years later he gave me that same perfume for Christmas, not sure if he remembered or just smelled some perfume at the store and happened to still like it.)  I tell him this all the time, though I am not sure if he believes me, but I thought he was joking when he “asked me out.”  And let me be clear, he didn’t come out and say, “Do you want to go out with me?”  He would always tease me, saying something to the effect of, “So, when are you going to go out with me?”  He was younger than me, and frankly I thought if I actually gave him a specific answer, I would find out that he was just trying to pass the long hours of working retail.

Anyways, we finally made plans, and, wouldn’t you know it, he was late for our very first date!  To be fair, the street sign was turned around and that caused some confusion for him, but all I thought was… “Oh, my gosh!  I am being stood up!”  But before too long, he rang the doorbell and off we went.  Our first date went the way of many first dates, I am sure.  I think we both felt a bit awkward, but eventually things settled down, and we watched Starship Troopers.  (my pick; to be fair, Roy did ask me if I wanted to watch something a bit more “romantic.”)

The next few dates were increasingly good - kind of a weak word, but Roy impressed me greatly, without putting forth a whole lot of effort.  And let me explain that a bit, I was very impressed with his manners, his sense of humor, how easy he was to be with.  I never felt like he was showing off, he was just being who he was and that was one of the things that made me fall in love with him.

I remember going up the escalator at a mall in Georgetown and knowing that I would fall in love with him.

I remember going down the escalator at another mall and falling in love with Roy.

I remember giving birth to our three younger boys.  I was exhausted beyond words, and I told Roy that I couldn’t do this, I was too tired.  And he smoothed the hair off my sweaty brow, gave me a kiss, and said that YES, I could do this.  I could do anything, and for just a moment I felt like I could do anything… as long as he was by my side.

I remember buying our first house together and then doing what we could to make it a home.  The painting, the hot water heater flooding the laundry room and dripping down into the kitchen.  The mess he made in our bedroom when he decided to make me a little niche in the wall.  Joe started school as we lived in that house, and I remember how sad I was the day we packed everything up and walked out of our first home for the last time.

I remember our first night in our new home - Addi got sick, and we didn’t have any medicine for him.  We didn’t have much - most of our things were still in the car or in storage!  But we got through it.  This house was a lot bigger than our first house, so the painting took a lot longer, and I was pregnant with Hayden this time.  While we painted the kitchen - and I say “we” with a grain of salt here - Roy never said anything as he moved around the kitchen painting like a beast, and I sat in the corner and put about twelve coats on the same small section of wall.

I remember Addi starting kindergarten, Corey then Joe starting middle school, Corey starting high school, Joe starting high school, Addi starting middle school, Hayden going to preschool, finding out I was pregnant with Dean, Hayden going to kindergarten, Dean’s first steps,  teaching Corey how to drive, Dean’s first words,  the first time Corey drove away after he got his license, I remember first dates, first break-ups, and first heartbreaks.  I remember the fights, the laughter, and coming to believe that even though the bad times might feel really bad at the moment, the good times will always outweigh the bad, because we are together.

When I met Roy, I didn’t know if I still believed in true love.  I didn’t know if I believed in forever, but after 12 1/2 years of Roy by my side, I can honestly say not a day has gone by that I haven’t loved him with all that I am.  Through the good times and the bad.  Even if it’s Roy that I am mad at, I have never doubted that I loved him with all my heart, that 11 years ago when I said “I do,” I made the best decision of my life.

Roy - the past 11 years of marriage have been the greatest adventure for me.  You have made me smile, you have made me laugh, and, yes, a few times you have made me cry.  When you put your arms around me I know that nothing can hurt me.  I know that as long as you are by my side, I can do anything.

I love you!  HAPPY 11th ANNIVERSARY!

…what are you thinking about?

It’s early morning, the sun is just coming up, maybe I can see some dolphins in the distance.  There is a nice, warm breeze coming off the water, my hair is blowing around my face, and the sand is warm on my toes.  The one thing going through my mind is…”I have a great life.”

One, really sticks out and I am not sure why as it hurt like all get out.  I was riding my bike to swim practice.  I was going down a hill, and this car pulls out in front of me.  I swerved, but ended up getting hung up by a curb, and the front of my left ankle was scraped to the bone.  This was during the time before cell phones, so the guy sticks his head out of the window and asks me if I am ok, his wife took one look at my leg and yells at him, “Of course she isn’t ok you a**hole, look at her poor leg!”  Luckily one of my friends from the swim team was driving by and his mom dropped him off to be with me, while she ran to the pool to call my mom.  LOTS of fun.

Another memory, thought his one much better was going to Myrtle Beach with my family.  I was 12, and my parents invited along one of our family friends.  Her daughter was my age and we were good friends at the time.  It was a lot of fun.

From my own family, has to be the summer we went to Disney World in Orlando and then to Germany to visit family.  It was an expensive summer, but so worth it.  The kids still talk about those trips, and I can’t wait until D is a bit older so that we can take all the kids to Disney World again.