…what are you thinking about?

It’s early morning, the sun is just coming up, maybe I can see some dolphins in the distance.  There is a nice, warm breeze coming off the water, my hair is blowing around my face, and the sand is warm on my toes.  The one thing going through my mind is…”I have a great life.”

I believe that most of us live our lifes in a constant state of flux-we feel good, but not too good, bad, but not too bad.  Emotions collide within us constantly, and sometimes we are left feeling drained, and emotionally beaten up.  But every once in awhile, something hits us-be it good or bad-and the feelings are so certain, so clear to us, and it is those moments we should cherish.

The other night I was laying in bed, waiting for R to lay down next to me.  D was sleeping in our room on a little pallet R made for him at the foot of our bed.  He had Croup, and this horrible barking sound was coming out of my little boy’s mouth.  When he stopped coughing, there was this wheezing sound that reminded me of a lifetime smoker, and to top it off, there was just not a whole lot I could do for him.  (After five kids, you get to know what certain things sound like-Croup being one of them, and after five kids you are still just as powerless to make it all go away)  It bothered me to know that my little boy was miserable, and this time I couldn’t fix it.  When I heard him cough, it broke my heart.  It made me mad that there hasn’t been some sort of medication developed to help little ones suffering from this.  See, a mixture of emotions, and fighting within me, all leading up to one thing-I was powerless.

And then R, came out of the bathroom.  He turned off the light and lay next to me, picking up the remote.  After a few minutes he reached out and put his hand on my hip.  In the same spot he has for years, and I felt his thumb lightly brush my leg.  He turned to me and said, “Love you.” And then went back to watching his show, all the while his hand stayed on my hip.

And in that moment, I KNEW things would be ok.  I realized that kids get Croup, and it sucks and it sounds horrible, but it isn’t something that we couldn’t handle.  I knew that if I needed help, he would be right there next to me.  And I closed my eyes and fell asleep, knowing that R was next to me, and we were all safe.

Fast forward to today, we get a call from the middle school.  J isn’t feeling well, can we come pick him up.  R walks in and said I think we are just dealing with strep.  I tossed back, “Not with D.”  He yells back, “Him too!”

I went back to picking up action figures, all the while thinking, we’ll see whose right, crap they’ll need antibiotics, strep is highly contagious I’m gonna get it now, was J kissing some girl with Strep…..See, more mixed emotions.

Then we get to the doctor.  She listens to D and proclaims he has Croup, and all I felt in that moment, the one emotion that filled my heart…….Vindication!  I was right!

We are big fans of the TV show Supernatural and while it was on we really enjoyed Harper’s Island. It was through these two shoes that I started to enjoy the work of a character actor named Jim Beaver.  In Supernatural his character, Bobby Singer is easily one of my favorites.  (Heck, I like him more than I like one of the main characters!)  In looking at his Bio on IMDB he also was in Deadwood (just added to my NetFlix queue as Timothy Olyphant is in it too… Lucky me, R looks like him, only better looking!).

So anyways, I was reading one of my ‘women magazines’ as the kids call them, and noticed there was a book being recommended by someone named Jim Beaver.  I wondered it it was the same person, and looked it up on Amazon.  Sure enough it was, and I purchased the book for my Kindle on the spot.  I was in the midst of reading another book, and then after that I got caught up in something else, but a few days ago I started reading it, and got drawn in.  Beaver was married to a woman that sounds like the type of woman we all want to know-Cecily Adams.  I did not follow Star Trek, but I know from reading her character developed quite a following after she appeared in Deep Space Nine.  She was also well known and well respected for her work as a Casting Director on several hit TV shows.  What started out as curiosity about one of my new favorite character actors became true admiration.  The love he has (I don’t say had because I don’t think a love like that will ever die or be forgotten) for his wife was beautifully documented in his emails to friends, family and strangers as she valiantly fought for her life after she was diagnosed with lung cancer.  I think Beaver eloquently describes what everyone who is lucky enough to be married to the love of their life fears-going it alone if your best friend dies.

Reading this book, I have realized how lucky I am.  R is my best friend.  Yes, sometimes he bugs me. Yes, sometimes I bug him. But he is the best thing that ever happened to me.  One thing I have always found strange is when people tell me how I can do it, and by that they mean how do I deal with having him home most of the time?  R telecommutes (which I love…as not only does it save us money on gas, but I think it is great that the government is supporting and working toward a more green initiative) and he is home more often than he is in the office.  We are together probably 90% of the time.  We run errands together, eat lunch together, do chores with one another, etc. We are together.  When he goes out of town, I miss him deeply.  Oh, don’t get me wrong. I don’t think either of us is co-dependent.  We can function fine without the other one, but I think we just prefer to be together, and isn’t that how it should be?  Occasionally, I have been asked if we are newlyweds, and to that I answer no, we have been married over a decade, and together for 12.  But when you find that person you are supposed to be with, why wouldn’t you just prefer to be with them?  Since I get so many looks of surprise, I wondered if our relationship was unique, and perhaps it is, but we certainly aren’t alone in our love for one another.

“Life’s That Way…” is the type of book that touches you. I think even R enjoys hearing me share little bits of it. He even read some of it to me the other day while I was in the bath.  It is sad. It has moments where I read and tears just run down my face, but it also makes me smile.  It makes me realize that no matter what life hands you, you must find a way to move forward and continue to dream.