I just want to thank everyone for their kind thoughts and prayers.

We do find some comfort in knowing that my grandmother left this earth on her terms.  I know that was very important to her.

It’s almost funny to me what I find myself thinking about when I think about her.  Funny in a sad way, but I find myself smiling anyways.  I think about those Barbies she had.

Boy, they were beautiful.  I was thinking about it last night, and talked to Roy.  I remember one day when I was visiting her.  I must have been about 6 or 7, and she lived in a townhouse in a neighborhood with a number of young families.  She made friends everywhere she went, and one of her neighbors was a young stay at home mother.  I don’t remember her name, but she had a daughter that was about my age, maybe a little younger, and she used to make Barbie clothes for her daughter’s dolls.  My granny took me over there, and we had a great time picking through scraps of fabric, lace, and ribbons, and before I knew it, I had my own custom designed Barbie dress.

Oh, and the trunk that she used to keep everything in!  It was an old fashioned ‘ladies traveling wardrobe.”  When you stood it up an opened the case, there were drawers that held tiny shoes and jewelry.  There were even tiny hangers that held the glamorous gowns.  And, of course, Barbie had the coolest zebra striped bikini.

When I really got into Barbies, my mom was pregnant with my sister.  It wasn’t an easy pregnancy, and my mom was often tired and then on bed rest.  So, I would often play on the floor of my mom’s room, while she rested, though she did try to play with me a bit.  My granny knew my mom was having a rough pregnancy, so when I was with her, she would play with me for hours.  Though all I really liked to do was change their clothes and brush their hair.

I do occasionally buy a Barbie for my niece, but I found myself hoping that one day I have a granddaughter, so that I can play Barbies with her. 

I didn’t even know what to title this post…

I lost my grandmother last night.  A part of me understands that it was her time, she led a long, happy and good life.  She was almost 100 years old.  She made her own decisions until the end, and she passed away on her terms.  Perhaps I am naive, but I think there is something to be grateful for in that.

My granny (that’s what she has always been called) moved across the country about 9 years ago.  With five kids, the distance was quite an obstacle for me.  Or perhaps that is just an excuse.. I don’t know.  My granny was ‘old school’ as she tried to say. She didn’t agree with some of the choices my sister and I made (mainly our divorces) and that caused a rift.  Mainly between her and my mother.  Naturally, my mother was sensitive to having her daughters criticized, afraid that it was a reflection of her own parenting.  And though I am usually hot headed, this is one area where I just didn’t seem to mind.  I have a strong relationship with Roy.  Our marriage is healthy, we are happy, and we are doing our best to raise our children.  Out of all the ‘grandkids’ I am the only one doing that, and I know that.  I saw no reason to be upset with my grandmother for what she said, because I know differently.  On the other hand, words can hurt.

But we reached out to one another on occasion.  We sent emails, she used to send me silly jokes she thought were funny, and she always asked about the boys.  She never met Hayden and Dean, so she loved the pictures that Roy put on the net, or my parents sent her.  She enjoyed hearing stories of how the boys were growing and getting older, though many of them were shared with her by my father and not me.

But I do have wonderful memories of spending time with her when I was little.  I used to spend a week with her during the summer, so that my parents had some time alone.  She would get her hair done and would take me with her.  The women at the salon she frequented would brush my hair, or braid it.  She would have them put ribbons in it or pretty barrettes.

She would let me wear my prettiest dress, my ‘party dress’ I called it, for lunch on her back porch.  And she would serve me iced tea in a pretty tea cup, because hot tea was gross and burned my mouth! (My words, not hers!)  She had these beautiful old barbies, with the most glamorous gowns.  They even had earrings and necklaces.  She would let me play with them, though mostly I liked to just dress them in the evening gowns and brush their hair.

And the books!  She knew I loved to read, and every year her church held a rummage sale - she would pick some of the ‘choice’ books for me, and we would read them together, or she would let me take them home with the promise that I read them and reported back to her.

My dad would tell her not to give me too much ice cream, but she would take me to a local dairy farm that made their own ice cream, and they served up waffle cones with the biggest scoops you can imagine!  And she always said that she was my granny, and she was gonna spoil me while she could.

We might not have always seen eye to eye, but I think she respected that I did things my own way, much like she did.  And I respected that she spoke her mind and decided that she would do things her way right up until the end. 

May you rest in peace, Granny.  We will miss you.