Suck!  Sorry, had to say it.

I want to preface this post by saying that I don’t have a daughter.  Any difference I imagine with boys and girls comes from my observations as a swim coach, an aunt, and the mom of 5 boys.

Addi had one of his friends over a few weeks ago.  Very sweet boy.  He stayed the weekend with us and he was sweet, polite, even helpful around the house.  He took the dog out a few times, and he was very nice to Hayden and Dean. (HUGE points for that in my book!)

Addi mentioned that there is a girl he likes at school, and his friend had finally worked up the courage to say something.  And this girl was SO RUDE!

She told him he was ugly, that he was a dork and if he ever talked to her again she would…well, do something, I don’t remember, but at that point I didn’t care.

So what if she doesn’t return the feelings, has this girl never been taught manners?  Did her mother/father/whomever never bother teaching to be gracious? 

If a boy treated a young lady like this, people would be up in arms. 

“Oh, he’s so cruel!”

“Boys suck!” (maybe even make the young lady a t-shirt stressing this.)

But girls are just as nasty, even more so.

From what I’ve seen, boys duke it out and then the issue is squashed.  If boys don’t like each other, for the most part that’s it.

But girls….boy they can be nasty! 

Addi’s friend took it well, but I could tell his feelings were hurt. 

It’s really simple parent’s of girls-tell them that boys have feelings too.  They might bury them under false bravado, but they’re right there, under the surface. 

And let’s be honest, even though you might not like the young man, the fact that he likes you and had enough guts to tell you-well, that should be flattering.  Humility is never a bad thing.

I am not a big Valentine’s Day person.  I consider myself lucky in that I feel the love from my husband every day.

No, he doesn’t always buy me little gifts. On the other hand, I don’t want them.  If there is something I really want or need, I can get it. I want the little things.

I want him to reach over when we are in bed and rub the back of my neck.

I want him to tell the kids to move, so he can sit next to me on the couch.

I want him to pull me into his lap and lay a big, fat kiss on me.

I want him to open my door for me on date night.

I want him to hold the door for me when we are leaving a restaurant.

I want him to hold my hand when we walk around the mall.

And, I consider myself lucky that Roy does all those things and more.  When I’m exhausted, Roy asks if I want something to eat.  He brushes the kids teeth, and quizzes Hayden on his homework. 

If the kids do something to upset me, he backs me up.  He KNOWS me.  He slows down during a charity run, so he can run with me, and right before we hit the home stretch, when I was about ready to drop, he slipped his hand in mine and gave me that look.

You know the one, ladies. The one that says, “I know you can do this, but whatever happens I have your back.”

So, girls, maybe your guy doesn’t get the gifts right.  He buys you a shirt, and it’s the wrong color (or heaven forbid the wrong size!).  He gets you flowers, but NOT your favorites.  He buys you a card, and only signs his name.

BUT, if he gets things right every other day, does it really matter if he messes up Valentine’s Day?

I have touched on this in the past, but writing about the Love we wish for our sons, got me thinking about teens and dating.

I do not have a daughter, so maybe someone with more experience in that venue can weigh in here.  Though I remember what my parents always told me and what I heard when I used to coach teenagers.

Boys don’t necessarily talk about their heartbreaks/breakups with their friends.  When they do, it’s in a very different context.

“Hey, what’s going on this weekend?” Says Boy 1.

“Party.  Aren’t you going out with Jill?” Says Boy 2

“Nope, we broke up.  Where’s the party?” SAys Boy 1.

It’s always very matter of fact, with the idea that they need to move on heavily implied.  With our own boys, I have asked them if they are ok, do they want to talk about it, etc., etc.  

When I was a teenager, I had a few boyfriends.  When things didn’t work out, my mom made it a point to tell me that these things happen, but that sometimes it is for the best.  Of course, I didn’t want to hear that… I had just been dumped, or broken up with someone I cared about!

In looking back and from talking to her, she told me what she tried to do was make it a point that just because my teenage love didn’t work out (her words… teenage love) didn’t necessarily mean that he was a bad person.  It didn’t mean I was right, and he was wrong, or vice versa. She never tried to shield me from heartache.  She comforted me (when I let her… I was a teenage girl!) and told me that tomorrow things would look different. My dad simply said he agreed with my mom and did I want to go get some ice cream.  Or more often I heard from him that mom was right, and now I needed to get ready for swim practice.

I have friends that have girls, and for many it is a very different outlook.  They want to protect their daughters from heartbreak.  How can they fix it so she doesn’t hurt?  How dare that boy ask another girl out?!

And yet… heartbreak is a fact of life.  Things won’t always go your way, and if you can rise above it and move forward despite the hurt, more times than not, things get better. 

You can’t fix it for your child!  And why would you want to?  Are you going to monitor their lives forever?  Fix the memo to their boss for them? Yell at their boss when they get fired? 

And so what the boy asked another girl out!  Or your daughter asked another boy out… or your son asked another guy out, on and on and on.  Do we expect our children to perpetually wallow in the aftermath of a relationship that most likely, in the end, will mean very little to them?  

Do we expect our children to meet their ‘soul mate’ in 10th grade?  

Kids will fall in and out of love (lust?), and it isn’t our jobs, as parents to fix all the heartache and drama that goes along with this path.  Isn’t it our job to simply be there for them and remind them that, no matter what, we love them?  That, no matter what happens, they can take something from the relationship that just ended?

That better things are right around the corner?

Roy and I shoot for at least one date night a month.  And by Date Night I mean we get dressed up, and go to a nice restaurant - nicer than Chili’s where we often go out for a quick drink and some snacks.

Last night I thought we might try Founding Farmer’s, a very popular DC eatery, but I was too slow in making a reservation.  I LOVE scallops, and so Roy set out to find a good seafood restaurant.

Well, he did.  Passionfish was one of the best meals we have ever had together! And we’ve had some good meals.

We were actually late for our reservation, and I was worried that they would give our table away. Nope. We walked in, apologized for being late and were seated right away.

Our waiter was wonderful.  Attentive, without hovering. He made suggestions without being pushy. 

I decided to try something different right off the bat - in the form of a cocktail and ordered a “Moscow Mule.” Vodka, lime something or another (I think it was some type of syrup), and ginger beer.  YUMMY!  Off to a good start.

“Oysters?” I asked Roy.

“I was thinking of trying the shrimp cocktail, but if you want Oysters that’s fine.”

Hmm… we have had Oysters before…

“No, that’s ok.  Maybe I will try the Spicy Ahi Tuna Tartare.”

“You sure?” He asked me, and I nodded, “Ok, then I will get the Yucatan Shrimp Cocktail.”

Our appetizers came out, and WOW!  I could eat that Tuna Tartare every day and still love it.  Roy’s was also amazing with avocado’s and shrimp in a spicy tomato salsa accompanied by fresh tortilla chips.

Our waiter mentioned the Bay Scallops - a specialty that night - and I was sold.  My scallops were so tender, and they came with ravioli (I believe they used squid ink to dye the pasta black) stuffed with sweet potatoes and goat cheese.  Best scallops I have ever had, and I have had A LOT!

Roy got the “Carolina Mountain Trout Amandine.”  The fish came over grits, which were so creamy and smooth I was amazed. I think he really enjoyed his dinner.

“Liked it, didn’t you?”” I teased, as his plate was wiped clean, except for a bit of skin.

“I did.  But you can’t talk!” I was well on my way to cleaning my plate as well.

We were then presented with our dessert menus, and our waiter suggested that if we wanted to splurge, the Warm Donut Holes with Coffee Bavarian Cream were delicious.  SOLD!  Roy ordered the Key Lime Tart.

Both… AMAZING!  There is just no other word for it.  The donut holes were light, flaky and still warm, and the cream was delicious.  A bit too much coffee for Roy, but I loved it!

Roy’s tart was wonderful!  Tangy, but not overly so, and the meringue was lighter than any we have ever had.

Even after eating all of that, and I think we ate EVERYTHING we ordered, I still felt light enough to get up and walk around with my husband.  I didn’t feel full or stuffed; instead, I enjoyed an amazing meal.

The weather was wonderful for a January in Virginia, and we walked around the outdoor shops for awhile.

If you are in Virginia, DC, Maryland, or West Virginia, visit Passionfish in Reston. You won’t be disappointed.  

In the meantime… I think I found my new favorite seafood restaurant!