Just want to put this up so that Joe knows how much I adore him for this.  Dean adores Joe, probably because, out of his brothers, he is the most patient with him.  Lately Joe has been very indulgent of Dean’s pleadings to play with him.  Dean would occupy all of Joe’s free time if he/we let him.

As I have said before, there’s nothing sweeter than watching a teenager take time out of whatever else he has going on to play with legos and Weeble Woobles with his baby brother.

-I am amazed at how sweet the boys look when they are sleeping.  I just went into my room, and Dean and Hayden are sleeping on their pallets.  Both turned the same way, both in the same position - not only do they look alike, but they look so sweet and angelic.

-Dean woke me up at 4 am on Mother’s Day.  He crept over to my side of the bed, and patted me gently on the arm.

“Mama, I want you.” Once I heard that, I didn’t mind the time.

“What, honey? Go night-night.” I tried to get him to go back to sleep.

“Please, I lay with you?” And I pulled him into our bed, where he snuggled between Roy and I for a little bit.  He fell asleep for awhile with his hand rubbing my cheek.

-How generous people can be.  At the yard sale with his lemonade and snack stand, Hayden raised $41 dollars for those affected by the Storms in Alabama!  When he asked people to help by donating, people happily opened their wallets and gave.  He was so happy by the money he raised.  If you look at the big picture, I know it might not be much, but it’s a start, and he is so proud.

-How nice Grape Nuts and Yogurt in bed can be when three little boys make it for you.  Hayden, Dean, and Addi got me this yesterday, and brought it to me in bed.

-Corey made me coffee, and actually got it all right.  The sugar, the cream, and even the strength of the coffee.

-Joe gave me numerous hugs and helped with the little boys.

-I am surprised how sweet little presents from the boys can be, especially when we didn’t give them money!  Corey is working now, and Joe was a big help during the yard sale, so he earned some money.  Yesterday they went to this awesome gourmet and kitchen specialty store near our house and got me a carbonator for my Soda Stream machine (LOVE that thing, my Christmas present this past year) and this wonderful chocolate bar (Dark Chocolate with crystallized ginger).  They knew what I would like!

-Roy got me a tree for Mother’s Day this year.  And I can’t wait to see it grow and mature, just like the kids and our marriage. Getting home sure was interesting too. With it hanging out the back of our van flapping in the wind.

-I always forget how much fun we have when we go on our dates!  We just went to a local Thai place and then to Walmart to get my tree, but we laughed, we kissed, and we talked… best night I have had in awhile.

-And I was surprised how much fun I had watching basketball the other day!  Joe was here, and he and Roy were laughing and cheering, Roy answered my questions, and we just had a great time.

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!

(remembered from July 2009)

I hope my oldest doesn’t get all over me for this one, but it was just too cute. My husband and the boys love to camp. I am all for it, as long as I get something out of the deal. So one weekend in summer of 2009, we decided to pack up four of the boys (Joey was with his biological father) and head to Williamsburg for some fun at Busch Gardens. Now, I LOVE amusement parks, and Busch Gardens is no exception. It has four, yep four, amazing roller coasters, little rides for the kids, shows, you name it. But with four (or five) kids, it is exhausting. Corey is too cool for the roller coaster in Sesame Street Land, and Hayden is barely tall enough to ride the Loch Ness Monster (or the “big people roller coaster” as he calls it) yet - We just recently went again, and Hayden loved the LNM so much he went on it twice! In any event, to keep things fair, it always requires some bargaining, some finesse and some fussing, but we usually have a good time.

So back to summer of 2009… We got to the campground on Friday and set everything up. I, of course, was just riding Roy to hurry up. The Griffon (BG’s newest roller coaster) was seriously calling my name. Before I knew it, the tents were up, and we were on our way. What followed was about six hours of roller coaster rides, overpriced gummy treats, and lots of giggles and smiles. Too tired to go back to the campground and cook, Roy suggested we just grab something quick. On the way back to our campground, we decided to hit McDonald’s.

It was crowded. We weren’t the only tired amusement park tourists to hit this particular fast food joint. So we placed our order and sat down. I was exhausted and just wanted the boys to behave. I figured if we could get through dinner, we could relax at the campground for a little while and then blissful rest!

“What is taking so long, Mommy? I am so hungry!” Hayden whined.

“Honey, I know. Daddy is checking on things right now.”

“Dad should just shove up there and demand our food! A big bald guy would get some results.” Corey added. Corey is enamored with his dad. My husband is a big guy. He looks imposing, is smart as hell, likes video games, and let’s face it, he indulges his boys… to a 15 year old boy he is the epitome of a “cool dad.”

“Corey, who cares if your dad’s bald? I love it.” While I appreciate, and even love, that he thinks so highly of his father, the fact that he is always talking about Roy being bald is just silly.

“Yeah, shut up Corey. You’re bald too.” Hayden defended his daddy.

Corey started laughing.

“No, honey. Corey isn’t bald. Look at all Corey’s hair.” I corrected Hayden.

“Duh, dork. I’m not bald!” Corey retorted.

“Yeah, well… you have polka dots all over your face!” Hayden threw this back at Corey, and I sat there stunned - though I admit I was about to die laughing on the inside.

Corey was 15. He was and is right smack dab in the middle of puberty - and pimples come with the territory. I am sure that the heat didn’t help the matter any. I wondered if he was going to get mad at his little brother, but to my delight, he simply laughed.

“Yeah? So! Just you wait, little man… in a few years, YOU will have polka dots all over your face, and then I will laugh at you!” I didn’t miss the affection in Corey’s voice. And thinking back on it, how telling is that? His little brother embarrassed him in public. He teased him about something Corey is sensitive about, but instead of getting angry and attacking back, he laughed it off and teased his little brother with open affection and love. Those are the moments when, as a mom, I feel the best. I am trying to raise boys that can brush off the little things, even though I don’t always do this myself. And this just reminds me that, sometimes, the lessons stick.

“Ok, food is here!” Roy put down two trays, and the kids all dove for their food.

“Daddy! Corey has polka dots on his face!” Hayden shrieked at Roy.

My husband looked at me with a question on his face, “What?”

We all just laughed and ate our fries.

Joe came into this world on a crazy day!  We were living in Tampa, Florida at the time, and my mom, knowing things were rough, came down to help.  I was overdue with Joe (again!) and they had scheduled me to be induced.  On January 15^th, bright and early, my ex and I got up to head to the hospital.  Things were moving along as planned when a nurse stuck her head in and said that my mom was at the Emergency Room!  What?  I was scared. Was Corey hurt?  Was my mom ok?

Turns out, my mom was trying to fix the blinds on the sliding glass door and slipped off the chair.   She tried to brace herself and ended up breaking her wrist.  I told my ex to run across the street and see if everything was ok, I would be fine alone.  About an hour later he comes back to my room carrying Corey.  I was getting ready to start pushing, and about ten minutes later, Joe was brought into this world!  The thing I remember is he screamed immediately and Corey popped out his pacifier and offered it up to his new baby brother.

Since the birth was uneventful, I was sent home the next day.  What follows pretty much mirrors what I said yesterday in Corey’s story.  Things were hard for me and having two babies didn’t make it any easier, but instead of rehashing that, I will jump ahead to July 1999 when Corey and Joe came up to Virginia to live with Roy, Addi, and I.

Corey was getting ready to start kindergarten, and Joe would be home with Addi and me.  He was such a sweet little boy, so shy and quiet.  He took immediately to Roy’s parents, and settled happily into life in Virginia.  My parents didn’t live too far away, so we could go visit them.  Occasionally I would take the boys up to Roy’s work for lunch.  And before I knew it, December was upon us, and we were moving into our own home across town.  I always understood Joe, and in the rush of moving, taking care of Roy and the boys, it never dawned on me that Joe MIGHT have a speech problem.  Eventually, Roy and I got to the point where we thought perhaps some testing should be done BEFORE he entered the public school system, so I started the crazy process of getting him tested, and when the results came back-that he COULD benefit from some speech therapy-I made sure to get him to class up the road.  Luckily, he only went twice a week, and the therapist worked with him around his preschool schedule.

Once Joe settled into the preschool three days a week, and therapy twice a week, he thrived!  He made new friends in school and had a blast.  It was a co-operative preschool, so not only was the tuition very reasonable, but I volunteered twice a month, so I got to see what he was doing and participate in activities with him.  After his preschool graduation, we signed him up for kindergarten with confidence.  I would walk them up to the bus stop and put him and Corey on the bus together.  Addi and I would wave and look for them in the windows as the bus pulled away.  Things were good for us, and once again, before I knew it, we were moving into a bigger house in December 2003.

Joe was in second grade when we moved, and while he didn’t have any issues adjusting to his new school, making friends, or fitting in, he isn’t the type to get excited about things like this.  He enjoyed having his own room in the new house and liked helping us paint it (all the boys picked out their colors!).  I liked that our new town was smaller, less hurried, and hoped it would give us a chance to slow down.

For the most part it did, though I am still high strung on occasion!  Joe entered our town’s soapbox derby two years in a row!  I know what you’re thinking… how cool is that!  Roy and I pictured the Little Rascals…  Looking through junk to cobble something together, hoping it would make it down the hill… nope, wrong!  These are kit cars that you can either buy (and people do, going all out with paint, etc.) or you can be ‘sponsored’ by a local business that happens to have a car.  Joe raced for one of the volunteer fire departments. Despite all of the work getting the car in racing condition, he didn’t win.  But he did well, and most importantly he had a great time doing it!

One of the biggest differences between Corey and Joe is that Joe is more of a self starter when it comes to school.  Both boys do very well in their classes, but for the most part, Joe didn’t need that little push that Corey sometimes does.  Because of that, Joe sailed right through elementary school and sixth and seventh grade, and then we hit eighth grade… I think it’s because Joe became interested more in his games and friends, but his last quarter didn’t’ go as smoothly as school usually does for him.  He needed some reminders, and a bit more encouragement to get things done.  A few threats were probably uttered as well - no more games, no more phone, no more this, that, and the other!  But he ‘graduated’ middle school with a solid GPA and is now getting ready to start high school!

I was worried that he would be nervous, but he is excited!  One thing that he is eagerly looking forward to is his Military Science class (just another name for JROTC in this case).  Over the summer, there was an orientation class, and he did great!  In fact he did so well during his PT exercises that he told us some of the older cadets suggested that they might recommend him for the PT team!  We were so proud of him.  Like his older brother, I hope Joe meets the new challenges of high school with a head on type of attitude.  Not shying away from new experiences and pushing himself to reach his full potential.  He knows that Roy and I will be there for him, and his older brother is there to offer some ‘words of wisdom,’ but most of all, I hope he looks to the future with excitement and anticipation.  I know I do!

I was young when Corey was born, 20 to be exact, and I thought I was ready for a newborn.  I went into labor on July 5th, 1994 and what a night that was!  I delivered him in a military hospital after 10 hours of pushing, yep 10 hours of PUSHING.  Not labor, but PUSHING.  It got to the point where a specialist had to be brought in, and it turns out my little guy was turned the wrong way.  They need a specialist to figure that out?  Eventually forceps were used, and finally Corey was laid in my exhausted arms.  Delivering in a military hospital is a lot different than a private hospital.  I was in a room with three other women, which meant three other families were coming in and out of the room.

I was there for two days, and on the third day it was time to go home.  Boy, was that an experience.  I so wanted to nurse, but didn’t know what I was doing, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I just wasn’t producing enough milk, so eventually I gave into my fears and made Corey a bottle.  After that, it was smooth sailing.  Corey was the sweetest little boy.  Precocious, funny, and quite the mama’s boy… Is that a bad thing to be… I don’t know!  He was crawling at five months and walking at nine.  Shortly after that, he was crawling out of his crib.

When Corey was about 15 months old, my husband at the time lost his job and decided to pack us up and move to Florida.  I was pregnant with Joe at that point but tried to look at the move as an adventure.  For a few years we toiled in Florida.  Never quite getting ahead, never really finding my place in the area.  I was young and unhappy.  I had two little boys, no car, little money and felt as if I didn’t belong.  Eventually my marriage to Corey and Joe’s father fell apart, and my parents suggested I move home and get my life together.  The plan was to have the boys stay with my ex for a few months until I got on my feet again.  I went home after our separation was made legal (and then shortly after that our divorce was legal as well) and found a job, sought therapy and went about making my life something better, something more stable, and learning to be happy.

As mentioned before, I met my current husband, we dated (though I knew on our second date I would fall in love with him, I did so on our third date, and I knew I would marry him by our fourth), and made our own life.  Soon we added Addi to the family, and in July of 1999, Corey and Joe came to live with us.  At that point we were living with Roy’s parents, saving for a house of our own, but they welcomed Corey and Joe with open arms (more on them later!)  They told me once, that it was our home (meaning all of us, not just theirs, and they let us live there), and they made room for the older boys in their home and their hearts.

But back to my oldest guy!  Corey started kindergarten shortly after he came up from Florida.  He excelled from the get go.  His teachers said he was a natural leader.  He picked up new subjects quickly and with relish, and when we moved across town to our own house in December of 1999, he switched schools happily, choosing to see it as an adventure.  He made friends easily and enjoyed school.  He was happy at home, playing with his brothers, and helping me where he could.  Before you know it, I was pregnant with Hayden and after returning from a vacation-filled summer (Disney World AND Germany all in the same month!). And then Roy and I decided it was time to buy a bigger house.  Corey was right in the middle of fourth grade, but since he was so eager to have his own room, he couldn’t wait to make the move!

2003 was a year of new beginnings.  A new house, a new baby on the way, a new job for me (I was coaching full time at this point), and new schools for the two older boys.  I have always been proud of the fact that the boys don’t shy away from  big changes in their lives-whether it be moving, or welcoming a new baby into the family.  They don’t balk at the idea of change nor do they resort to temper tantrums or the silent treatment.  They simply see change as a part of life and welcome it.  Corey has learned to do this, and we are proud of him for doing so.

Middle school was a challenge for Corey.  For the first time he had to learn to work for good grades, not everything came as easily as it did in elementary school, and learning to study was a challenge for him.  He got involved with the drama program and ended up with the lead in the school play the year he was in seventh grade, which also happened to be the year he decided to dye his dirty blond hair black, but hey, it’s only hair!  Eighth grade passed in a blur, and before we knew it, high school was upon us.

Corey entered high school on a warm August day.  I watched him get on that bus and thought, “In four years, will I be saying good bye to him as he watches me leave from his dorm room?  Will he join the military?”  I wondered what the future would hold for him.  Ninth grade was a time of adjustment for Corey, he started to figure out who he was, what he liked and didn’t like.  He started to grasp that his future would be effected by the choices he made.  And then things started to go crazy.

In January of 2009, speaking only from my side and observations here, Corey hit a rough patch with his biological father.  I can’t be sure what was said.  Corey has his version, my ex has his, even his wife has one, but what we do know is that Corey got off a phone call with his father in tears.  His phone was in pieces on the floor of his room, and he was shaking.  Roy and I comforted him for close to two hours that night, and let him stay home and relax the next day.  I have nursed my boys through many a cold, bout with the flu, broken bones, etc… and I don’t know if I have ever seen Corey as distraught as he was that night.  Roy and I did our best not to take sides, but when my son tells me he can’t even work up the energy to talk to his biological father, well, I knew something serious was up.  What followed were months of nasty emails, anger (on my part), tears (on my part… and Corey’s at times), soothing and logical words (Roy), and being caught in the middle (Joe).  Eventually, it got to the point where Corey made the decision to not talk to his biological father.  Roy and I decided it was our job to support his decision, but ensure he understood the effects.  Now, don’t get me wrong… I don’t actively seek out ways to hurt my ex.  He is their father, and he loves them, BUT Corey is 16, and I don’t want my son to turn 18 and walk away from his entire family, trying to escape us as a burden.  Roy and I tried to do our best, we tried to explain to the boys that they have their own voice, their own opinions, and their choices have consequences and repercussions much greater than their own little bubble, and I felt that I had gotten to the point where pushing Corey to reconcile with his father was doing more harm than good.  What position do I leave my son in if he feels that he can’t talk to me either?  And let’s be honest, at his age do I really need to act as a go between or facilitator any more?  He isn’t a baby, he is a young man (whether we want to admit that or not).  So, for the past 18 months, we have been helping Corey work through anger at his father, apathy, feelings of disgust, etc., and all the while hoping he realizes that he still has to deal with school, friends, sports, etc.

Now, at 16 and about to enter his junior year of high school, Corey is (hopefully) starting to see that his future is upon him.  Before he knows it, he will be getting ready to start his senior year, and he will have to make a decision about college.  He has shown some skill in the kitchen and expressed an interest in possibly pursuing a culinary school education.  On the other hand, he loves history and has mentioned maybe being a teacher.  Either way, Roy and I are starting to see that shifting gears from driver’s ed to potty training isn’t always easy, but it’s just part of the day to day life in our house.

Hopefully, this year will be one of learning for Corey.  And not just in school.  I hope he learns that he has a voice, and that it is ok if he uses it.  I hope he continues to find his way in the world and learns that being happy is something we choose (a hard lesson for me, and I hope it doesn’t take the boys 30+ years to get there).  But most of all I hope he learns to be a good driver… cause driving him around to all his sporting events, staying up late to get him from friends’ houses, and late night swim meets is getting old!

I always tell myself that I am going to post here more often. As the mother of four boys, with another one on the way…there is always something going on in our house!

One little thing…our (almost) 12 year old is playing basketball this season. And our other three actually seem to enjoy going to the games. So this Saturday we are sitting on the bleachers, and our three year old is standing in front of our 13 year old…they are sort of playing around, and my oldest son starts to tickle his little brother. H, the baby, giggled and then leaned forward and hugged C, our oldest. C gave him a kiss and said, “I love you.” To which H gave him one back and returned the sentiment. As I was turning around H was crawling in C’s lap, and the two of them were just whispering to each other. Honestly, it was one of the sweetest things I have seen in awhile from our boys. I find myself wishing I could freeze those moments in time, and in a sense I can…because that was a scene I know I won’t forget.

I also have the countdown to baby #5 up on my chalkboard. Though, I have had it up there for months if I am being honest. 21 days left! And I am ready. I don’t think I have ever been this tired. I wake up and something else hurts….it’s rough. My husband just likes to tell me I am getting old….and the sad thing is…I am starting to agree with him!

This is more or less a continuation of yesterday’s post. My oldest went to a party last night-a birthday party for a friend. I went to pick him up at 7, and it was funny to see him with girls. As a ‘girl’ myself, or rather as someone that used to be a girl, I could tell that one in particular had a bit of a crush on my son. The way she smiled at him, and then avoided making any sort of eye contact with me were two of my clues. And yet, when I was talking to C, I noticed her checking me out…seeing what sort of woman her crushes mom is. I suppose it is daunting for a young woman to meet her crushes first ‘lady.’ To see the type of woman that has raised the object of her affection, and it made me smile. My son was completely oblivious to this young lady’s affections, but I don’t think that will last long.

A, our eight year old, has had to write stories for school lately. This week he is to pretend he is a butterfly, and write about what he would do. He said if he was a girl butterfly, he would look for a nice boy butterfly, and they would be together with four babies. He then said that because they loved each other, they would have a new baby in the girl’s tummy. A, wrote this shortly after we told him that I have a baby in my tummy, and that around Christmas he would have a new brother or sister. This story was his way of telling us he was excited about the new baby. When I asked him if he would like a brother or sister, he took a moment and said: “A brother.”

“Why? Don’t you want a sister?” I asked him, surprised.

He smiled at me and answered, “If I have a brother, I will try to be nice to him. Sometimes C and J aren’t nice to me, but if I am nice to H and the new baby, they can learn.”

A part of me was sad, as I was reminded once again how much A craves attention from his older brothers, and how rarely he gets positive attention from them, and yet there was another part of me that was so proud of his observation. He was able to understand and process how he felt when his brothers were mean to him, and realize that MAYBE if they had a ‘good example’ of what it means to be a good brother, they might learn.

Every day these four little boys of mine do something to surprise me, something to remind me that being a stay at home mom IS important.