digidad:

13,880 days ago, my beautiful wife took her first breath of fresh hospital air and saw the world for the first time. While many of those days were experienced before we met, we are approaching the midway point, and soon most of her days will be noted as “with me” rather than “before me.”  She has been my wife for 4,460 of those days. She has been my rock, my confidant, my best friend, my lover, and the mother to my boys. I love her with all my heart, and wish her a wonderful Day 13,881.

And by today, I really mean yesterday.  Yesterday was my birthday - my 38th birthday.

Hayden told me I still look 29.  My sweetheart. Roy told me I was beautiful, and Addi told me I was the best mom. Corey and Joe wished me a happy birthday, and then Joe texted me from school to ask me to bring him his sneakers (Woohoo!).  

I had to run to Target to get some things, and Roy came along.  He slipped a few things in the cart for my birthday.

Let’s see - he bought me a beautiful spring outfit to wear (a khaki pencil skirt [sexy], and a pretty moss green blouse), two books from a series I love (J.D. Robb’s In Death series - one of my guilty pleasures), and some lotion that I have been wanting (Dean says, “It smells like Orange Juice, Mama.” He helped Roy pick it out.) Things I will use, read, and love to wear.

Roy and I made my birthday dinner - Cincinnati Chili.  YUM!  I admit it… I LOVE pasta, and I love chili. So why wouldn’t I love the two together?

But the real surprise was my birthday cake. The boys have been after us to make cake pops for a while, and a few weeks ago Roy decided to give it a shot.  They turned out great!  He made “real” cake pops. We didn’t use a little machine.  You bake a cake, let it cool, and then rip it up and mix some frosting into it.  You then form it into little balls, chill to firm them up a bit, pop in the sticks, and dip in chocolate (or melted candies of your choice).  They were so good!  The perfect size for a little sweet treat for me.

So, yesterday in Target, Roy got the idea to make me the biggest cake pop ever for my cake!  And he did!  He took pictures, so I will try to get him to post one.  The kids got a big kick out of it, and I loved it.  And boy was it tasty! Yellow cake on top of chocolate cake. MmmMmm!

I’m 38 years old, pretty darn close to 40.  I have a few gray hairs, and I’m pretty sure I’m getting some hints of crow’s feet, but I earned them… so I’ll take ‘em.

Joe is 16 today!  HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

It’s been 16 wonderful, wild, crazy and fun years with you.  We love you and are proud of you.

In Virginia, kids must wait until they are AT LEAST 16 and 3 months before they can get their license, and they must have held their learner’s permit for at least nine months.  They are to complete a classroom portion of driver’s ed and 45 hours of behind the wheel practice (at least 15 of those hours needs to be at night).  After they do this, they take a behind the wheel driver’s ed class.  If they pass that, they receive their temporary license.  WHEW!

And I am behind that.  I want the kids to be responsible drivers and understand that driving is a privilege, not a right.

Roy took Joe to the DMV about a month ago, and Joe got his permit.  He was so excited!  I guess Roy was feeling generous, and he let Joe drive his car. Just down our neighborhood streets.

But, to put this into perspective, Roy LOVES his car.  I mean loves it, like if his car was a woman, he would have left me for it by now. No, I am not upset, though I tease him mercilessly about it.  He works hard. All the cars we have owned in the past have been responsible, reliable family cars.  Nothing sexy, nothing fun.  Roy did his research, and this is actually a very safe car. And it’s hot!

Roy has had his car since August, and he has waxed and washed it more in that time than he has our van, and we have had it for almost 6 years.  If he is driving it, and it rains, he pulls into the garage (which he cleaned out and completely reorganized for his car), runs into the house for his special “car towels,” and dries it.  He LOVES his car, and I love that he loves his car.

So, now you know.

Joe’s 16th birthday is on Sunday.  Our little boy is turning 16; I can’t believe it!

We were sitting down last night, watching our new favorite show (Community. Have you seen it?  If not, check it out!) when Joe comes running down stairs.

He has his most favorite possession with him (of course) his iPod touch, and he sits on the couch playing with it.

A few minutes later, he looks up, “Hey, Dad?”

“Hmm…” Roy is a bit distracted.  Hello, have you seen Community? FUNNY!

“For my birthday, can you take me out for a drive in your car?”

Roy said we would see, which usually means yes.

Joe is happy.

“Thank you, Mom!” Dean gave me a big hug this morning.

“Oh, baby!” I hugged him back, “Thank you for what?”

“For my birthday!” He tells me dancing around.

I know he can’t possibly understand that because of Roy and I, he is alive.  That he grew in me for nine months.  That we tried for a year to conceive him, and I had just about given up on the idea of getting pregnant again.  That for nine months I had crazy rashes, carpel tunnel syndrome, pain in my hips, and back pains that put labor to shame.  And he couldn’t possibly understand that all I went through, all Roy went through, was so very worth it.

Our little boy is four today.  Our last baby.  I won’t ever feel a baby kick inside me again. I won’t ever anticipate those first weeks at home with a newborn.  No more 3am feedings, diaper changes, diaper bags, strollers, or potty training - well, we are in the last stages of that final item.

Roy told Dean I would be super sad last night and a part of me is.  All my boys are growing up so fast.  But we are so proud of them.

Dean is going to go to preschool in a few months, another new chapter in his life.

Four years ago today we were in the hospital.  I think I was sitting on an exercise ball watching Mad TV.  Bouncing and trying to kick start labor.

My water broke around 3am.  At this point, Roy and I had been through this before and knew what to expect.  I got up and called to Roy from the bathroom.

“Roy!” He didn’t stir, “ROY!” 

“Huh, what?” He mumbled.

“Honey, get up.  My water just broke.”

He rolled over and sat up, “No!  I stayed up until 1 watching a movie.  Can we wait a few hours?”

He joked with me as he walked into the bathroom, squinting in the light.  I laughed and pulled on Roy’s shirt, the only thing I liked to wear at that point.

And then at 9 we are sitting in the hospital.  Roy is dozing in the chair, and I am bouncing on the ball I mentioned before.  Sure that at any moment it would be time to push.  I was wrong.

Dean was born around 5 that afternoon.  It was my fifth, dammit… I should have been the first to go.  Our little local hospital was busy that day - six mothers came in ALL after me, all delivered before me - including four first time mothers!  I thought for sure I would win that race.

But as rough as the pregnancy was, delivery was a breeze, and before we knew it, I was nursing, and trying to pace myself by not gorging on the meal they brought me.  I was STARVING at that point.

Dean was healthy, and Roy brought all the older boys to visit us in the hospital.  Hayden crawled into bed with Dean and I and curled up by my side.

“He’s so little Mommy.”  Hayden was enamored with the tiny baby at my breast.

And now four years later, he is still the adored youngest in our family.  His older brothers joke with each other that they are his favorite - it can get pretty competitive too.

Our baby is 4 years old today, our youngest baby, my last.  

The past few weeks have been HECTIC!

Roy and I made plans to do some last minute shopping on the 23rd of December.  I had it all planned - shopping, lunch (an early anniversary outing at my favorite place [The Melting Pot], and then home.  Well, the boys knew we had plans, but Dean was so sweet and just wanted to be with Mommy and Daddy.  He started to get that look on his face - you know the one that says “if you leave me, I might lose it!”  So, I said he could come with us.  NOT quite what Roy had in mind, but in the end, he was fine with it.  Dean was a wonderful little helper!  Roy did his thing, and Dean and I looked for a few more things for his brothers.  He helped me pick out a very nice cardigan for Corey, and we found a silly Invader Zim hoodie for Addi.  He carried the bags for me, and we enjoyed a little cookie while we waited for Roy to meet us.  Little did I know, Roy was trying to get in touch with me so I could try on some shoes so he could figure out what size to get me… the cell reception in the mall is ridiculous!  I mean, there is none!  But we finally touched base, and I ran to Lady Foot Locker.  I teased Roy that he was trying to tell me something with his gifts to me, but he got me exactly what I wanted - a few more pairs of compression pants for jogging, some cold gear shirts (including the EXACT Under Armour black pullover I wanted!), and some brand new running shoes!  Purple - love them!  

Christmas was great!  This entire holiday season - from Thanksgiving through Joe’s birthday on January 15th - I promised myself I would just… chill.  No stressing about this or that… it will get done.  Keep Thanksgiving dinner simple… done!  And we all had a great time!  Same with Christmas.  The boys wanted pretty straight forward things this year, so that is what we did.  Christmas dinner was a shrimp boil - Roy baked, and my parents came over.  That was great, the kids loved it… everyone was relaxed, and we just had a great time visiting - though my sister’s crazy dog was here. I think it is fair to say that we are all glad she (the dog) is back home with them.  My carpet was not happy, nor was my little dog.

New Year’s Eve was low key.  We had a nice ham dinner, again Roy baked Blackberry Cobbler (SO good!), and then just chilled.  Addi, Corey, and Joe made it to midnight, but Hayden and Dean did not - although they put up valiant efforts.  I kissed my husband at midnight, and we rang in the New Year’s snug in our room. 

And then New Year’s Day, we got up and went to my parents for another nice visit.

Tomorrow the boy’s go back to school, and then Wednesday Roy is back at work.  Thursday our baby turns 4 (Angry Birds Cake… he is gonna love it!), and on January 15 Joe will hit the big 1-6!

It’s been a crazy few weeks, and I am sure the next few weeks will be hectic as everyone settles back into their routines, but I’m looking forward to an exciting 2012.  Hope you are as well!

Now that Thanksgiving is over…

And can I just say, I had a great time this year!  The turkey was wonderful, though it didn’t taste much different between this year’s brine and last year’s, company was great, and I was cool, calm and collected.

Ok, so now that Thanksgiving is over, it’s on to Christmas.  We did venture out on Black Friday, and we got a few things we wanted.  Though I just went for the deals, not necessarily to get Christmas presents - we got the Kinect for our Xbox (great deal - $99 with four games!), and Roy bought me my present early - the Kindle Fire (LOVE IT!). I did some shopping on Saturday morning online and got a few things.  But this year we decided to do things a bit differently.

I always spend too much on the boys for Christmas.  I buy them tons of things, many they aren’t even that interested in, and rack up the Amex (in my defense, I do pay it off every month… but why overspend?)  So, this year, I found a few things each of them wants, and I am keeping it simple.  With five kids overspending at Christmas is easy, but again, if I buy them things that they don’t really want or are not interested in, well, I’m just wasting money.  

So, this year I want to get them fewer presents and spend more time as a family.  Eating nice dinners together, maybe going for a hike if the weather holds, watching movies together, playing games, etc.  

Don’t get me wrong, we still plan on getting them some awesome gifts, but we decided to do what someone else suggested to us.

I was talking to a lady at our local cable office, and she has four daughters.  She said she used to do exactly what I did - overspend and then January and February was too tight.  So, she and her husband decided to scale back a bit during Christmas and do more for each of their birthdays.

Granted, Joe and Dean were both born in January, but I thought that made sense.  At Christmas, it’s about family for us.  We are all together, and I would rather them get four or five presents that they really want, like, and will use, than 20 that are just ok.

I already have some cool things planned for birthdays.  Dean - ok, I’m not sure what to do for him.  He wants so many things, but I’ll figure something out.

For now, I’m just happy that I am actually almost done with a few people!  I mean, I’m done buying gifts for them.  And then I hope to do some things I haven’t done in the past - bake a ton of Christmas cookies with my guys, plan something cool for Dean and Joe for their birthdays in January…

When you have kids, your life becomes a calendar of firsts - first time they roll over, first time they sit up, first tooth, first step, first day of school, first boyfriend/girlfriend, first heartbreak…

You measure your child’s life in firsts, and as they get older the ‘firsts’ become BIGGER - first time they get on the bus, first date, first prom, and for us in a few months - the first of our boys to graduate from high school.

When Corey was born, he had this little pointed head.  My sister told me he looked like a garden gnome.  My first delivery was hard - he was turned the wrong way, and it took the doctors a while to figure that out.  I pushed for almost six hours, four with no epidural.  I was exhausted, and when all was finally said and done, I was also sick with an infection.  I couldn’t hold Corey until my fever went away, so my mom, sister, and Corey’s father did it for me.  

When we finally took him home, I was lost.  I was scared - what if I did something wrong; what if I broke him.  But he thrived, and he took his first steps at 9 months.

The next few years were a hard time in my life.  I was young with two babies, and my marriage to their father didn’t last.  Eventually we divorced, and soon, I met Roy.

The boys came to live with Roy and I in August of 1999, and he and I set about getting them ready for school.  Corey started kindergarten in September 1999.  I think I was more nervous than he was, but he let go of my hand, gave me a kiss, and climbed on the bus.

In December of 1999, Roy and I bought our first house.  We were happy there, and in August of 2003, we learned our family would grow.  So, in October of 2003, we bought our second house, and Corey moved into his own room in December of 2003.  He was in fourth grade.

We got a call in maybe November 2004 to come to the nurses’ office.  Corey was in fifth grade.  They asked Roy to bring his pliers.  What?  We walked into the nurses office, and there was our son with his finger stuck in his clarinet case. Nice… haven’t repeated THAT particular first with any of the other boys.

In June of 2005, Corey ‘graduated’ from Elementary school.

He started middle school in August 2005, and the next year he had his first date with a very sweet young lady.  That lasted a few months.  In eighth grade, he came out to me in the car on our way to Walmart, and a few days later he told Roy. He was/is homosexual.

In June of 2009, we took him to his eighth grade prom and attended his middle school graduation…

And then it was time for high school.  He did ok his ninth and tenth grade year.  He made some good friends, got a Varsity letter in swimming, and adjusted well.

He started to find his footing in his Junior year, and pulled straight A’s for the entire year.  He had a short romance with a young man that was a few years older, but it didn’t last very long.  He had his first (probably second) kiss. 

He got his license in November 2010, and he drove to school for the first time.  Happy not to have to cram into the bus with another 50 kids.  In the beginning of 2011, he got his first job working at the local Dairy Queen.  It wasn’t his favorite thing in the world, but he was responsible and hard working.  He finished up his junior year, and he and the rest of the boys eagerly awaited another first - our first cruise.

We had a great time.  Our first time in the Caribbean was AMAZING! And Corey got to meet the head chef of the fleet. Amazing! And when we got home, Corey started a new job. A few weeks later he was let go from that job. Not really his fault, but a step backward nonetheless.

We started his Senior year of high school unsure of what the next step would be.  He wants to be a chef, and Roy and I aren’t sure if a traditional university is the best way to help him achieve his goal.  But we wanted him to take the SAT’s and have options, so a few weeks ago, I got up and helped him out the door for that first.

And this morning, I went online and ordered my oldest boy’s cap and gown for his high school graduation.  Another first, a momentous one, for me it was.  I told him I ordered it, and he said:

“Cool!  Thanks, Mom!”

And I watched my oldest and my 15 year old run out the door to drive off to school.

There are still plenty of firsts left for Corey, still plenty of firsts left for Roy and I with the younger boys and with Corey… but this one… on this cold morning… well, I think I shed a tear or two for the little boy that is growing up so fast.

Get over the “I’m turning 30” Or “I’m almost 30” crap.

It’s a number… that’s it.  If you fear it, it will bite you in the ass.  If you embrace it, I promise you it will be good to you.

Treasure it. You have lived for 3 decades.  You have learned a lot, survived your teenage years, so you earned it.  LOVE IT!

Hell, I’m about to turn 38 and I say… BRING ON 40!  Life is what you make it.

This was a tough lesson for me to learn, but I think I finally get it.