Just yesterday Corey asked me who was better at sucking up - he or Joe?

That’s an easy one… when Corey is sucking up, he sounds fake.  Simple as that.  Joe doesn’t often “suck up” as Corey calls it.  Instead, Joe might occasionally bust out a really sweet compliment, and to be honest, he always sounds sincere.

But Corey’s question makes me wonder: Are the older three boys simply sucking up when they are nice?

I often hear from my friends that their tween and teen boys want nothing to do with them.  They don’t want to be driven to school, and they won’t walk near them when out in public.  They don’t want to go anywhere with them (well often our boys don’t either, but I don’t think it is because they are embarrassed), and a kiss or a hug is reserved for special occasions - like near death experiences.

But, my boys aren’t like that.  They don’t mind me dropping them off at school.  In fact, they will often lean over and give me a kiss, telling me they love me as they run into the door of the school.  All three of the older boys give me kisses before they leave for school, granted no one is looking, but they don’t have to do that, right?

This past October at an amusement park, Joe put his arm around me and told me he would protect me.  He didn’t seem to mind that the park was crawling with people that could see this.

A part of me feels like I am bragging here:

“Ha!  YOUR kids want nothing to do with you, and mine adore me!”

Wow!  Sounds pretty crappy when you put it that way. But that’s not the intent.

I will say, growing up, I was never embarrassed by my parents.  I never felt the need to NOT go out with them because I was worried someone might see me… though I will admit that I didn’t tell them I loved them, or hug and kiss them while out and about either.  (though my parents weren’t what one would call affectionate)

I wouldn’t say that Roy and I are that much cooler than everyone else either.  I have met a lot of the other parents, and all are nice, fun loving people.  Perhaps it is just that my kids are big “dorks?”

I mean… I don’t think loving your parents makes you a dork, but in the world of teenagers and pre-teens isn’t it “cooler” to ignore your parents and generally regard them as lesser beings?  I have never seen, or I should say I have rarely seen kids these days openly show contempt to their parents, but I have seen them brush them off, or even ridicule them - ok, perhaps that is a form of contempt.

I do want to clarify that I don’t consider the boys my friends.  I don’t think that is what a teenager needs.  They have enough of those at school.  I want my kids to know they can come to me (us) with questions, fears, problems, anything - and be comfortable around us no matter what!  At the same time, Roy and I aren’t their friends, we are their parents.

I think we have shown the kids that no matter what happens, we have their backs.  It doesn’t mean they get free rein to do whatever they want.  It doesn’t mean that they escape consequences for doing something wrong.  What it does mean is that even if (when) they make mistakes, Roy and I will be there for them.  We will help them try to make the right choices and learn from their mistakes.

Perhaps that is why my kids are cool with us… they know we will do whatever we can to help them, protect them, and guide them to making the best decisions they can.

With five boys, I can’t tell you how many times a day I hear this.  Ok, I can give you a rough estimate - maybe 15?  Anyways, I am always surprised when I hear other women I talk to and know say their kids are “embarrassed” by them, they don’t tell them they love them anymore (the kids don’t tell their parents, not the other way around), etc…. and I admit, that semi-cruel part of me wants to say:

“Ha, Ha, Ha… my kids tell me they love me all the time! They even kiss me goodbye in the morning!”

Petty I know.

I don’t know why, but no matter the reason, let me just say I am glad that the boys still say, “Love you, Mom.” to me on a daily basis.  I am glad that they aren’t afraid to kiss me goodbye, friends watching or not.

Monday through Friday I get up with the boys and make sure everyone puts on clean clothes, eats something for breakfast, and then makes it to the bus.  And every morning, I get a kiss on the cheek from Corey and Addi, Joe is more reserved, but I always gets a “Bye mom!  Love you!”  That makes it worth it.  I might be exhausted, the kids might have gotten on my nerves that morning, but those kisses and those “I love you” farewells make me forget the restless nights, and the silly things the kids do that drive me crazy.

At swim meets Corey will come up to me, put his arm around me and ask for advice.  Joe will yell that he loves me as he runs on the baseball field.  Addi will put his arms around me at Target, and then, of course, there is Hayden and Dean who are still my little monkeys and show affection often and without thought to where we are or who might be watching.

At Busch Gardens this past October, the older boys took my arms and told me that they would protect me from the “chainsaw-wielding maniacs” that were scattered around the park.  In one of the haunted houses, Addi threw his arms around my waist and screamed and laughed at the crazy antics of the “monsters.”

Are my boys mama’s boys? Hardly, at least not in my book.  I think they simply know that they can count on me.  They know that I adore them, that I respect their feelings, and they love me all the more for that, and because of that they don’t see showing their love for me (no matter who is watching) as something to be embarrassed about. My boys know I have their back, though Roy and I have made it clear to them that that doesn’t mean we think they are perfect.  They make mistakes, and sometimes there will be consequences, but we won’t abandon them.  We won’t turn our backs on them.

It’s my job, as a mother, to teach the boys that growing up means added responsibility.  It means not hiding behind my apron, but it doesn’t mean Mom won’t be here if you need a hand… Or a hug.