I have had friends that choose to remain childless, and they tell me that people are rather rude about this choice they have made.

“Really?  They are?  I don’t buy that.”  I remember going back and forth with an old friend on Facebook.

“No, they are.  You won’t believe how many times someone has tried to ‘change my mind’ when I tell them I am not interested in having children.  And for some reason I always feel the need to explain my choices.” My friend explained.

“You’re full of crap!  Why would someone berate you for NOT having kids?”  I still wasn’t buying it.

I have had plenty of people say things to me.  I have a big family.  Five kids is a lot of kids, but before we made this decision, we made sure we could afford it.  And yet for some reason, people think it’s okay to open their mouths and disrespect our decision.  

I guarantee you if you were walking around Target with your children and someone walked up to you and said, ”Why do you have kids?  Overpopulation and all that… yada… yada… yada,” YOU would be offended.

So, why do we think that just because we adore our kids, everyone out there will feel the same as we do.

Let’s look at all the children in foster care.  Let’s look at some of the alarming instances of child abuse. Are you telling me those people feel the same way we do about kids?  If they do, how can they possibly put a tiny baby in boiling water?

SOME people have the parenting bug; some don’t.  And I don’t get it… what’s wrong with that?

I look at my boys and think there is NO place I would rather be.  Other people would walk into my house and want to be any place BUT there.  Parenting just isn’t for everyone.

And just as I am willing to bet you want childless people to respect your decision to have kids, shouldn’t you respect their decision NOT to?

Early Empty Nest Syndrome… Yes, this is a syndrome. Well… No, I don’t think it is. I just invented it, because I think I am suffering from it.

WHAT? You might ask yourself.  How in the world can this woman possibly be suffering from this when she has five children still at home - five boys no less.  Well, I’ll tell ya…

I’m reading a book called No Biking in the House Without a Helmet by Melissa Fay Greene.  Greene is the mother of nine - four biological children and five by adoption.  I am only on page 70, and I already feel a connection to her words.  I have five boys, but they are growing up so fast, and the idea of a quiet house makes me surprisingly sad.

Don’t get me wrong, there are days when the noise drives me absolutely nuts!  I mean I’m about to tear my hair out crazy.  I would rather have a pap smear crazy. But then the older boys are in school, and Dean is asleep and the silence fills me with sadness.  Corey is just starting his senior year (actually the kids were supposed to start school today, but the Earthquake yesterday put a stop to that idea!), and I still have Dean home with me. But last year flew by amazingly fast, and before I know it, I’ll be putting Dean on that bus and waving goodbye.  I’ll see his tiny face peering out the window at me, and his little hands waving.  I’ll try desperately to only let him see me smile, but as soon as the bus rounds the corner, Roy will put his arm around me and say the same thing he has said to me four other times:

“They’ll have a great time, Honey. It’s fine.”

And they usually do.  The boys have all been doing wonderfully in school - making new friends, soaking up knowledge, and getting ready to be on their own.  And as a mother, that’s exactly what I want, but sometimes I wonder… where does that leave me?

If I pose this question to Roy, I think he becomes slightly offended.  Don’t I want time alone with him?  Does the idea of it being just the two of us not appeal to me?  And of course it does!  I adore my husband.  I truly do, but I love being a mom.  I love my boys.

I look at each of the boys (even Corey and Joe, though they are not biologically Roy’s) and see them as a walking, talking expression of our love.  Corny?  Sure.  True?  Without a doubt.  Roy and I have a happy, strong marriage, and we have been blessed with three boys of our own.  Roy has also become a father to the two older boys, and much of who they are NOW is because of Roy’s influence.  We love one another, and that is reflected in the boys.

Boys that are intelligent, funny, kind, and full of life.  And these boys are loved, very much, not only by Roy and I, but also by our families.  I worry that once all the boys are in school, or have moved on to their own lives, I will feel lost.  I will wonder what to do with my time.  Roy is a grown man. He only needs so much taking care of.

And that is why I have contemplated adoption.  It isn’t because I think I am this truly stellar mother and children bloom in my company.  I just have a lot of love to give to my boys, enough that I could easily enfold a few more children into the mix.  We have a lot to offer. Would it be wrong to offer it to a child that has so little?

On the other hand, is it just my fear of not being needed talking here?  The children, for the most part, are still young enough that they need their mom.  Am I worried that I won’t have a purpose when they don’t need me as much?  

I want the boys to grow up to be happy, independent men.  I want them to fall in love, have families of their own, and grow.  I want to get a phone call at 2 am saying that my daughter in law is in labor, or Corey and his partner have found a child to adopt.  I want to have HUGE family holidays, but I also know that the idea of a quiet house isn’t something I’m looking forward too.

Oh well, guess Roy will have to take me on cruises to make up for it.