Glee has been hitting it out of the park for me lately. I know not everyone is a fan, but I love music. I love the idea of a show about kids standing tall and believing in themselves. And Glee has been showcasing that lately.
But last night’s episode really hit home. Roy hasn’t seen it, though I am sure we will talk about it. Corey hasn’t seen the whole episode, but what he did see he was touched by.
If you watch the show, you know the backstory with David Karofsky (a.k.a. Dave). He was a bully, admittedly, rather one dimensional in the beginning, but they really took a chance when they had him ‘come out’ with Kurt. Dave is/was a football player - the stereotypical alpha male - homosexuality is a weakness, it was wrong, and it was something he could not admit to himself. He switched schools, and this season was him trying to comes to terms with who he really is (what little we saw of him). The character made great strides, but he was still not strong enough to come out at his new school. Through a series of events, he was outed in a cruel and horrible way, but one I (sadly) don’t think is unusual in certain schools. As a retort, the character is shown trying to take his own life.
As the mother of a gay young man, my heart broke. Sure, it’s just TV, but there was a very small scene of Dave’s father holding his son crying and screaming, begging him to wake up. And as the mother of a young man that is gay, I would be lying if I said I never feared that one day that moment would be ours.
Brandon Teena, Jamey Rodemeyer, Larry King, Jamie Hubley, Matthew Shepard - and those are just a few that I can think of off the top of my head. All young men; all described by family and friends as kind, caring, loving, forgiving, intelligent… and gay. Killed because others were afraid of who these young men might love.
Nevermind that we want to ask if it is anyone’s business, nevermind that they weren’t hurting anyone, nevermind that lives were lost and families destroyed because other young people are not taught to 'live and let live.'
How do we as parents give our gay teens (and even our heterosexual teens) the strength to believe in themselves when we have fear in our own hearts for their safety?
How do teenagers learn to be proud of who they are when simply being who they are offends others?
It’s hard for us with Corey. He is just like me, in that he will rarely back down from confrontation. He speaks his mind, fights for what he thinks is right - and we are so proud of him for that. I don’t want him to change, and yet it’s hard to teach a headstrong young man when you need to walk away.
Being called names is one thing - ignorance is rarely something you can change with a dirty look or a well timed comeback. But how do you teach a child that if you confront the name callers, it might escalate?
We give Corey a mixed message - we tell him to stand up for himself, and yet I worry that one day someone might take it to the next level.
Many (not all) people that think homosexuality is wrong, believe they have God on their side. To them that’s a pretty powerful ally. And though I firmly believe that God would not cast aside a good person because they were gay, not everyone feels that way. Religious beliefs are a powerful motivator.
And yet, how do we educate (and I use that word for lack of a better one, as I don’t necessarily think I have the tools to educate someone about their beliefs) those that look at the world with a more closed mind, that being gay isn’t a disease? It isn’t an illness that a shot can cure?
Gay teens are 3 to 4 (some studies say more) times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual counterparts. A sobering statistic. Especially when you look at the teen suicide statistics in general. And yet is enough being done in the schools?
A few years ago, Corey got in trouble for insinuating two boys were getting intimate in the showers at school. When I asked him why he said that, he admitted to it and said that they had called him names for weeks, and he had finally had enough. I won’t repeat some of the names they called him. I am sure you can guess. He was given one day of in school suspension. I’m fine with that, but I wanted to be sure the other boys also received some sort of discipline. When I spoke with the counselor, her response was basically, “well the other boys told first… and isn’t Corey really gay…”
HUH? So, because my son actually IS gay, it’s okay for them to call him vulgar names? Are you kidding me? And it wasn’t until I threatened to go over her head that she 'saw my point’ and gave the other boys a day of in school suspension as well. So the school has a 'no bullying’ policy, but if the name 'fits,’ it doesn’t really matter how vulgar or nasty it is? Sorry, that sends the wrong message, and I wonder how many other school are the same way.
Do we tell our kids that it ISN’T cool to laugh when someone calls someone else a vulgar name? That it makes them just as bad as the name-caller? Do we remind our kids that sometimes silence is just as bad as bullying? Because by doing nothing, we are telling the bully that he/she is doing nothing wrong? Do we share stories of kids that felt they had no other way out? And then do we hold them close and tell them they are not alone?
If we don’t, then we should.