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Another First Day of School

We’ve been doing the first day of school routine for over 15 years now-I still remember Corey’s first day of kindergarten. Addi was on my hip, Joe clutching my hand, and Corey hopping along beside us. He was excited! Looking forward to riding the bus, and starting school. Corey met each day with a smile, and soaked up his lessons like a little sponge.

Joe had Corey on the bus with him, and I still had Addi on my hip. This time I watched two little boys run up ahead of us, while Addi twisted and turned, wanting nothing more than to be running to the bus with his older brothers. Each day we saw two smiling faces waving at us, and I watched Addi wave his chubby little arms at his older brothers.

When it was Addi’s turn to get on that bus, Hayden was riding on my hip, clutching me tightly while the three older boys, packed their bags up and got ready for yet another first day of school. I remember Addi climbing the stairs of the bus, Joe in front of him and Corey behind him. I remember three boys, literally, with their faces pressed to the glass smiling at me holding Hayden with Roy standing behind us.

When Hayden went to Kindergarten it was also Corey’s first year of high school, Joe was in Seventh grade, but Addi was only in fourth, so Hayden didn’t climb on that bus alone. Dean was only about 7 months old, and I clutched him to me tightly, as if maybe the tighter I held him the longer I could hold on to him.

“He looks so young.” I told Roy, trying to hold back the tears, a tight smile plastered on my face, as I waved at Hayden.

Roy said nothing, just slide his arm around me and gently took Dean from me. He kept his arm around me as we watched the bus turn the corner, and took my hand as we walked back to the house.

And then we were at that weird stage when we had one boy in each level of school-Corey was in college, Joe in high school, Addi in middle school, Hayden in elementary school and Dean in preschool.

And yet, Dean was only in school three days a week, for just a few hours in the morning. He was still my little buddy-went to the grocery store with me, walked the dog, ate breakfast together, etc.

Fast forward two years, Addi climbed on the bus this morning a Sophomore. Just the other day, he pointed out to me that he can get his driver’s permit in a month. This is Hayden’s last first day of elementary school-he’s in fifth grade this year. And our little Dean is in first grade.

The past few months our family has seen a lot of changes: Joe left for the Navy, Corey started a new job and has narrowed things down to one of two options-The Navy or a local university to get his Bachelor’s, I decided to look for a job, and so for the first time in years-Mom is back at work.

But I think we’ve weathered them well-I’m even going to toot my own horn a bit here, and say I’m really friggin proud of myself. I thought I would be a bigger mess than I am! I envisioned myself holding the clothes Joe left behind and just weeping, but I remember what Roy told me one day when I was struggling:

“It’s Joe’s turn to find his own path, Chris.”

And though it hurts, though I miss him, though a part of me longs for the days of four boys running around waving emergency notification cards in my face and asking me to fill them out, while I nursed Dean. I miss the chaos and the noise.

Roy teases that he can’t wait to have me all to himself, and gradually I’m starting to come to terms with a new idea of how things will be, but the ghosts of those little boys still float around me-even though the boys now stand a head taller than me.

To all the kids heading back to school:

May this year be your best yet! Study hard!

education family parenting
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