We got our pool passes last weekend, and every day since then the boys have been asking me if they could go to the pool.  The older boys understood that they had to wait, but Hayden and Dean do not have that kind of patience.

So, when Saturday rolled around and it was a beautiful day, I was thrilled.  Warm enough for the pool, but not disgustingly hot.  We had a lazy morning, and then Roy and I hit GameStop (time to let go of the Wii, as no one played it) and bought a DSiXL. I wasn’t sure if we needed it, but boy is it cool!  Nice big screen for Dean to play his little guy games on, and Roy even said he might check it out.  Then we visited Corey at Dairy Queen, and wondered why we don’t get the friends and family discount, but we had a nice, quick lunch and got to visit with Corey a bit when he took his break.

Back at the house, the boys were chomping at the bit to hit the pool.  My original intention was to get rid of everyone and do a bit of reading, but Roy talked me into going to the pool.  I protested a bit, but figured I could read one of my magazines, while everyone played.  His next order of business was to get me to wear my new bikini.

Originally, I wasn’t even going to consider buying one until I hit my goal weight. (Only about 13 more pounds to go!) But I was reading Self magazine and a reader’s comment really hit home for me.

“I would rather be a healthy and toned size ten than an unhealthy size 2.”

So, I looked at myself in the mirror.  Not perfect, not by any means, BUT my food baby is pretty much gone, my arms are toned (LOVE my triceps!), my legs are slimmer, and my muscles more defined.  WHY am I waiting?  I have worked my butt off (Literally, according to Roy!) losing the weight (about 27 pounds so far).  I am strong, healthy, and happy.  Why not just do it?

So, about three weeks ago, Roy, Hayden, Dean and I were heading to Target and I was scoping out a Victoria’s Secret swim catalog.  There was a cute bikini in there, and I commented to Roy that as soon as I got to my goal weight I was going to buy it.

“Why wait?” He asked me, “Just get it.  I think you look great.”

But I was too wrapped up in the woman I THINK of myself as - the 37 year old mother to five.  If I was going to wear a bikini, I was gonna make sure I looked the best I can be.

“NO!” I shook my head, “Not yet.”

“Whatever, Chris. You’ve worked hard, you look great, just have fun.”

And then I remembered that comment I read in my magazine.  Roy was right!  My husband thought I was strong and sexy. Why not just have some fun?

“Ok, I will!” And I closed my catalog with conviction.

“Sure, you will.” Roy didn’t believe me.

“Fine! I’ll buy one right now at Target.” How dare he question me.

“Ok, we’ll see.” And he parked the car.  

I got out and marched toward the front door with conviction.  Once inside though, I was lost… where should I start?  Then Roy brought a string bikini to me.

“I like this one.  Try it on.”

“Roy, I can’t wear that.  Do you know how much work those tiny strings would have to do?”

“You don’t know.  Just try it on.”

“Fine, but I’m gonna look gross.”

He shook his head at me, but I gamely grabbed my sizes and headed to the changing room.  I tried that one on first, figuring it would be a quick thing, and then I was amazed!

I didn’t look half bad!  Sure my boobs weren’t quite as perky as they used to be, and I didn’t have six pack abs, but I wasn’t repulsed.  I wasn’t disappointed, so I called Roy over.

“Ok, let me see.”

And I opened the door, and the look on his face! 

“Wow!  I like it.  You look sexy.  The underwear really adds a lot.” Hey, I hadn’t bought the suit yet. I wasn’t taking my undies off.

And I shooed him out and turned around again… Was that me?  Five kids, 37 years old… Could I really rock this? 

I thought for a moment, and decided, “Yes, I could!” And I was going to.

“Why don’t you try on some different ones?” Roy called to me from outside.  I said ok, and went back upfront to see what I could find.

I found a cute little bikini with wild colors and a crazy pattern and headed back to the dressing room to try it on.

I struggled into it… too many strings flying all over the place!  Once everything was tied tight, I called to Roy.

“OK!  I like this one.” I said, and I opened the door when I saw his hand wave at me from over the top of the door.

Again, with that face.

“Yeah, I like that one.  It has good coverage up top, and I like the pattern.

So, while I was changing back into my clothes I looked at the suit my husband liked.  It was tiny… nothing more than a few triangles of fabric and some string.  The colors and pattern were wild… but you know what? So what?!  I decided to buy it and imagined myself lying around on the cruise ship - a big floppy hat perched on my head, and Roy threatening to untie the strings at my hip.

BUT, I admit I bought it because I was doing so well… I had no intention of wearing it UNTIL the cruise, sure that I would have lost another 10 pounds or so.

But yesterday, Roy wanted me to wear it.  And I thought… well, I can keep my shirt on.  So, I put it on and off we went.

Once at the pool, we grabbed our lounge chairs, and I sat down after I took my shorts off.  Roy jumped right in (the kids had to wait because it was adult swim).

“Chris?” I looked up at my name, “Come on!”

“No, Roy… it’s too cold.”

“No, it isn’t… come on.”

“No, I don’t want to take my shirt off!”

He rolled his eyes at me.

“No, I’m too fat.  Not yet.” I grumbled.

“NO… YOU ARE NOT! You look great, come on.”

And then they blew the whistle for open swim.  Dean was jumping around, so excited.  And I looked at my little boy, and said to myself, “Ok, here goes.”

My shirt came off, and I took Dean’s hand.  He danced around next to me as we walked over to the stairs.  Dean jumped right in, and Roy swam over to him.  I took things a bit slower and waded in… boy it was chilly.

After a bit, I decided I would get out and read my magazine while Roy and the kids played.  So I walked back to my lounge chair, but I didn’t put my shirt back on.  I dried off, reapplied my sunscreen, and settled in.

And Roy was right… no one cared what I was wearing, the kids were having fun and I realized that for the first time in 18 years, I was out in a bikini. Yeah!