Honestly, I am not sure how the rest of that song title goes. I think it’s “grow up to be cowboys.”  And I suppose that’s fitting, here’s why.

When I think of a cowboy, I think of a strong, silent man.  And while there is NOTHING wrong with silence, there is something to be said for being able to get your feelings out.

Now, I am not talking about vomiting your feelings and emotions all over the place, as I have been known to do.  I don’t think it’s healthy to bottle everything up, though i suppose there is something to be said for discretion.  Perhaps certain things don’t need to be known or should be said with a degree of restraint.  I don’t always do that.  When I am upset or hurt, I tend to talk, and then think later.  Luckily, Roy gets that about me.  When I am pushing the envelope, he does his best to try to get me to shut my mouth; sometimes it works, other times it doesn’t.

Then there are the times when he knows I am just that upset or hurt, and so he takes over.  He has the ability to get his point across (my point) without speaking for the next two hours.  The kids get what we are saying without me putting them into a coma.

And Roy is always free with his affection, both for me and the boys.  He tells me he loves me daily. He hugs me and kisses me.  He holds my hand in public or will put his arm around me. No, there is NEVER any doubt in my mind that he loves me.

But, there is occasionally doubt in my mind as to whether or not he is angry at me about something, whether or not he had a bad day at work, whether or not he is frustrated with the kids, etc.  When it comes to talking about certain things, he doesn’t always get high marks.  I can push him to a point, but then he often gets annoyed with me and that’s what we talk about, while he is left to deal with a bad day at work on his own.  What I don’t think he gets is I can read him.  Yes, after 13 years I actually have some clue as to what my husband is thinking.  (Yes, I am being completely sarcastic here… Of course, I should have clues, right?)

Roy knows me. He knows when I am mad or when I am upset. He can often get to the root of it all even before I can.  But he seems surprised that I can do the same with him.  Oh, he isn’t as easy to read as I am sure I am, but I know when he is upset, or tired, or frustrated.  I will say often he is just tired, and a hug is all it takes to get him to smile again, but once in awhile it is something more, and I wish i didn’t have to wrangle it out of him.

Which leads me to the boys.  I don’t believe in that crap about boys not being able to share their emotions.  Boys, and men, can cry. They can rage. They can be sad. It doesn’t make them less masculine.  Doesn’t mean they are less than.  Crying isn’t only for women. Men suffer losses, they become frustrated, they get angry or hurt.  If we tell our sons to suck it up, we are telling them to put a lid on their feelings.

Now, I say it.  I tell the boys to suck it up.  If they stub their toe, or they don’t get a high score on their latest video game.  SUCK IT UP!  It isn’t the end of the world.  But I don’t expect them to suffer in silence when it comes to an illness, a loss, a fight with a friend, or maybe their latest crush broke their heart.  Talking about those things is healthy. It’s good, and it’s right.

Last night we tried to talk to Joe about something rather serious.  He wanted to brush it off and stated, “I’m not sure.” I’m sure he was hoping this response would cause us to let him do just that - brush it off.  Nope, no way, no how.  And Roy told him so, and I HOPE it had a greater impact coming from him.

Roy told Joe that sometimes it’s fine to keep things to yourself.  Roy acknowledged that Joe is like him in that way, (Gee, maybe Roy DOES get that he is hard to talk to sometimes) that they don’t always share what is going on in their heads, but sometimes you have to get it out there, especially when other people are involved.  

Maybe Joe got it, because he answered our question and told us how he would handle a particularly sticky situation, or maybe he just wanted to get the spotlight off of him, but I hope he heard Roy.  I hope he got what we were trying to tell him - that being a man means sometimes you actually have to share your thoughts and feelings.