As I have said before, I read a lot of magazines. One of my favorites, Redbook, is very keen on printing articles that tell women why we should love our bodies - thin, fat, doesn’t matter - self confidence is important. They, meaning the magazine, do stress the importance of eating right and exercising, but they also understand that having a perfect size 4 figure is harder for some of us, and just because you aren’t a size 4 or less doesn’t mean you aren’t beautiful.
I probably won’t ever be a size 4 again. Getting down to that size, while not unrealistic, would make me too thin, and as a woman in my mid thirties I like my curves… but a size 6 would be nice. I’m about a 10 now, though I like my shirts big, so I often buy a size 12. I can’t stand things too tight around my chest, unless that is the look I am going for! But anyways, back to my magazine…
Redbook has a columnist, a man that writes about pertinent topics from a man’s perspective. Aaron Traister is funny, self deprecating, but he is also poignant, sweet, and he has a way of putting what (I am willing to bet) so many husband’s think into words for all us women to read. Last month he tackled the difference in men’s and women’s body image. I don’t think that overweight men live in some alternate universe where they don’t realize they are overweight, but I do think that men in general are more accepting of their bodies. They don’t operate under the illusion that we must stop the passage of time. Men don’t think that they need to look 21 at all times. A man will look in the mirror and think, “Not too shabby.” A woman will think, “God! I look old!” Women spend millions (billions?) of dollars trying to look 21; men accept that they aren’t 21.
After five kids my body is certainly showing the ravages of time. My breasts aren’t where they used to be (unless I have some help from Victoria, but that’s a Secret), my stomach isn’t flat, my face isn’t wrinkle free (though I think I am doing a pretty good job at holding most of them at bay), but my posterior seems to be holding up ok, or at least that’s what Roy says! And that’s what I think is so funny. I look in the mirror and see a big butt. Roy, on the other hand, digs it… see, there’s that acceptance.
My husband is a very handsome man - his face has some very distinguished, very handsome laugh lines (and for the record, why do men have laugh lines and women have crow’s feet?). I love the way his eyes crinkle up when he laughs, but if I see any semblance of one on my own face, I’m screaming for new eye cream. Roy tells me all the time that I am beautiful, that he loves my “posterior” and other goods, but I just think I have a big butt! He tells me I don’t need makeup, but I think I am quickly getting to the point where I can’t get away without some. I often wonder if men are just blinded by love. Does a man that is truly and deeply in love with his wife not see her for what she truly is? Does he not see the sagging breasts, the gray hairs that creep up more often, or the tiny lines that lace our face and bodies? Do they not care? Do they have some deeper appreciation for our bodies that we are slower to get?
All those questions and more, MIGHT be answered when Roy edits my post for me… Stay tuned!
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Update from the other side (Roy): Gee. This is awkward. Am I supposed to reply for all mankind? This must be how Aaron Traister feels. Christina always shares these articles with me as they are witty and inspiring. Aaron’s articles are an excellent break down of the man’s mind, and in most cases, he is spot on. His Thanksgiving stuffing article is no exception, but it should be expanded upon. Does a man care what he looks like? Of course. Most of us want to lose those extra pounds in the mid section, but at the same time, we are accepting of the fact that life no longer allows the luxury of spending hours at the gym or at the ball court or other activities to kill those calories. So we assure ourselves that there are still positive attributes we can show off - those broad shoulders, those triceps that still ripple under our Tshirt sleeve, that lump that can still be considered a bicep - Oh yeah, you ladies love it! So instead of focusing so much on the beer gut or food baby, we appreciate what’s left. And hope that one day (when time allows) we can do enough situps to fit into our slacks. Does a man care what his partner looks like? Once again, of course. We are creatures of visual desire. But as Aaron points out, we are not ignorant of the fact that time and gravity have their grubby hands in the mix. They pull and push and tug. And those Red Velvet cupcakes and all the snacks for the kids are difficult to avoid, so certain areas don’t look like they used to - in some ways, good, and in others, maybe not so good. But unless you have just let yourself go and given up all hope of maintaining yourself (let’s be clear, giving up on yourself is a bad thing), a man is full aware of nature, and just as they do themselves, they focus on the good stuff rather than the “not as good as it used to be” stuff. Heck, in many cases, some of the areas that have grown or shifted probably fit you so much better! mmHmm! And as Aaron notes, in the end, we appreciate that you accept our aging, stinking, gaining weight, losing hair, etc., just as you should know that we accept and love all you are and all the time you’ve spent aging and getting better with us. So while you should never give up on maintaining yourself and health, next time you look in the mirror try to fixate on those good/hot attributes rather than mumble about getting older or not fitting into that size 2 dress or having a line across your forehead when you smile. Trust me. We see the good stuff! Most of the attributes you fixate on all came from memories you’ve made together anyway.
