Please excuse me if I sound preachy. I wanted to get that out there in advance, but this is something I feel strongly about, so here goes!

I am only going to speak in depth about two sports, since Roy and I both have coaching in our backgrounds. I actually coached for compensation-swimming to be specific. I have been around the pool since… lord, well let’s just say longer than I care to mention in exact years, but less than 35 years (a little less than 35 years). I swam competitively for years, and I know my mom looked at it as a way to keep me busy, to keep me out of trouble, and a way for me to get into college. I think my dad just wanted us (meaning my sister and I) to be happy. I love the pool, I love swimming. To be honest, for awhile I hated it, those last few years I swam. It wrecked havoc on my body-my shoulders to be exact, and it took up so much time that I had no life. So I quit, and for years wanted nothing to do with swimming, until one day I read an ad in a local paper. A summer swim team was looking for a coach. I applied, and got the position. I loved coaching. I loved being around the pool again, I loved working with the kids, and I loved being a part of all the good that swimming brought into my life.

When you coach you have to be prepared that on every team there are a few “bad apples.” Most of the time it’s kids that are there for the wrong reasons, or maybe their just having a bad day, but SOMETIMES it’s the parents.

I have boys, and I found it very easy to bond with the young men I coached with. Many of them looked at me like a surrogate mother, or an older sister. I remember one young man in particular. NO ONE wanted to coach him-he was difficult, he didn’t’ listen..but I saw something in him. One day he asked me to go to the restroom, and I said sure… only to get caught up in the practice. Next thing I know, 20 minutes had passed and no sign of my swimmer. I sent another young man to get him, and he came back with his friend and a sheepish grin on his face. I sat him out, and when I had a moment I asked him what his problem was. He gave me the standard answer, but I pushed. Finally he told me that he had ADHD and had to take medication for it. I already knew that and asked him if that was all. He was quiet for a moment and finally said, “I won’t be like my brother.” Apparently his brother was a very talented swimmer, but he had some problems that eventually led to issues with the law. MY swimmer said he felt like everyone compared him to his older brother, and he wondered… Are they talking about his talent in the pool? Or the fact that he got into trouble? This young man was confused, and here was a chance for me to make a difference. I told him none of that mattered to me, he was a good swimmer and a good kid and let’s just do what we came here to do. I found that asking him about school, about homework, even teasing him about a young lady he liked worked wonders. And a year later, when he came up to me at a high school meet, he quietly thanked me for seeing HIM. That’s all he said. A few meets later, his mother thanked me as well. And that is what we, as coaches hope to see, hope to be a part of. Most of the time we are lucky, we have parents like the one I just spoke of, or parents that sit quietly on the sidelines, but every once in awhile we get a “pool parent.” (as I called them) They know the right way to coach their kids, (even though they can’t tell ya all four competitive strokes.), no matter what you do, you’re doing it wrong, or maybe (especially in summer swim) their child can’t really swim and they are looking for some cheap swim lessons, but then can’t understand why you don’t have an hour to devote solely to their child. Well, parents… swim TEAM is NOT swim LESSONS. To be on a team, your child needs to be able to swim! They don’t need to be Michael Phelps, but they shouldn’t need water wings to stay afloat either! Ok.that’s out of my system.

Let’s move on to football… I will be the first to admit, I don’t know much about the sport. Roy has coached for four seasons, and I only recently learned what offsides meant. (I don’t know… is it one word or two?) But here is where I have been treated to some WILD behavior. I don’t know how the other coaches coach, but I do know how my husband runs his practices. Since it is just flag football, Hayden plays, and the kids are only five and six, he is all about having a good time, while teaching them the basics. I have watched football on TV, been to games, I KNOW it can get rough. And I am ok with that… because I HOPE the coaches teach the kids the right way to block, the right way to tackle, etc. Yes, sometimes we will get hurt, we will get banged up, but it isn’t because someone hurt you on purpose. I don’t look at football as a way for kids to take out their aggression. Yes, you might have had a bad day, but that doesn’t mean you get on the field and take it out on your opponent. You respect one another, you respect the talent the other team brings to the field, and hopefully they will do the same.

But how do we do that, when parents tell their kids to knock someone out? To slam their face into the ground? What do we do when the other coach says that and cheers on players that actively hurt kids on the other team? I know what my husband did this Saturday.

Since the kids are playing flag football, the coaches are allowed on the field, just as means to help the kids out. My husband heard a coach (who was upset how the game was turning out) tell his young player to “hit him and knock him on his a$$.” He called the coach on it before the play started, only to be met with a rude comment from the other coach. So, Roy backed off… come to find out, OUR son was the child that was the recipient of that stellar coaching. My son WAS knocked over and then… punched. Again, I am no wuss… I know football can get rough… but since when is football about punching or throwing elbows? Is it considered weak for one coach to talk to the other coach if there is an issue on the field? Is it the cool thing to do-teaching kids to be overly aggressive rather than solving an issue the correct way? As a parent, I was furious when my son came off the field crying because someone punched him in the face. As a mother, I was enraged to hear that the other coach was cheering for his player because my son was crying. And as the coaches wife, I was ashamed that other coaches seem to be doing whatever they can to undo all the good Roy and a few other coaches are trying to bring to this league for the kids.

Coaches and parents… sports should be FUN. If your child isn’t enjoying it there is a problem. That creates resentment, which is just a fabulous breeding ground for bad blood to start flowing. And before you know it, you have a kid that does whatever he can to make those around him miserable. Sports are a way for kids to learn discipline, team work, hard work, but it should also be about making friends, and having fun. Parents, remember a lot of these coaches are volunteers. They don’t get paid, and in fact may put a lot of their own money into the teams, but they do it because they care. Because they think they can bring something to the table FOR the kids. Coaches, remember there are rules. There is a right way and a wrong way to do things, and when you do things the wrong way, know THAT is what the kids will see.

Ok… I’ll step off my soapbox now.