We were in Germany visiting Roy’s parents when it dawned on me that my period was late. It was August of 2003. We were in Germany for about two weeks, and I was dying to take a pregnancy test. I even went so far as to tell Roy we should just buy one, and we would figure it out. He told me to just wait, and so I did, but not happily let me make that clear! The day after we got back, I ran to Target and bought an EPT. I didn’t even want to finish my shopping, I just wanted to pay for it and get home to take the test. Of course, Roy reminded me that leaving without toilet paper and milk probably wasn’t the smartest thing to do, so eventually we got what we needed, paid and drove home.

“Seriously, Chris!” Roy yelled at me as I ran into the house with my little bag and left Roy and the three older boys to handle the rest.

“What’s mom doing?” Addi asked.

“I guess she really needs to pee!” Corey said and to his nine year old mind this was hilarious.

“Yeah, Mom has to pee!” Joey chimed in, and at seven he thought this was really witty.

But back to me, I locked myself in the little guest bathroom right by the front door of our old three level walk-up townhome. I sat and willed myself to go (Ok, I know this is TMI, but bear with me).

“Well?” Roy called at me from the other side of the door.

“Well what?” I screeched! “Don’t pressure me!”

He laughed and walked away. I turned on the faucet and relaxed. Ok, three minutes, and I will know for sure. I was already imagining a little girl with tiny pigtails and chubby legs running towards Roy. Her older brothers would pick her up and swirl her around while she giggled charmingly.

“Mommy?” came a tiny knock, “Are you done yet? I really have to go potty!”

I opened the door and looked at my youngest, Addi’s luminous brown eyes smiled up at me in thanks, and he ran into the bathroom. Roy peered at me from the kitchen pass thru, a question on his face. I held up three fingers, and he nodded and returned to the freezer and tried to stuff another frozen pizza into our already bursting freezer.

“Ok, mommy. I’m done!” Addi came out and pulled his pants up.

I held up my hand and he gave me five. I bent over to hug him, and he kissed my cheek before running off to play with his older brothers. I walked into the bathroom holding my breath. I said a silent pray and looked at the EPT stick.

“You’re pregnant, aren’t you?” Roy came up behind me and put his arms around my waist.

“Yes, honey! We’re pregnant!” and I threw my arms around him. This baby wasn’t a surprise pregnancy. This baby was planned from the beginning. We could tell our family, and hopefully they would be happy for us. Roy could come to all of the doctor’s appointments with me, we could pick out bedding, and little clothes. I could proudly show off my belly and waddle around happily with my boys.

Most people can’t find out the sex of the baby until around 22-23 weeks, and for those first few months I will admit it, my mind was occupied with flowers and butterflies. I didn’t want the room overly girly, I decided, but I loved butterflies. Maybe some green and purple butterflies, with a touch of blue? Would that work? I don’t know. I let Roy figure out the hard stuff.

And then one day, when I was about 20 weeks pregnant, and we had sold our townhome and were living in a hotel waiting for our current house to be finished, I convinced Roy to take me shopping at Tyson’s Corner Mall. He reminded me that we were living in a hotel and the two cars as well as the room was already packed, but I wanted to get out of the room, and so we packed up the boys and headed out to the mall. At this age, the boys were still into Disney, and we were wandering around the Disney store with the boys looking at silly toys.

“It’s so crowded in here, Roy. I’m just going to go out front and sit down.”

“Ok, I’ll round them up and meet you out front.”

I walked to the front of the store and spotted an empty bench. Once I reached it, I sat down and sighed. And then I saw him. a little boy with dirty blond hair, and big blue eyes. He was about 18 months old and dressed in little denim overalls, and I knew right then. I wanted a little boy. Oh sure, a little girl would be great, and as long as the baby was healthy, I didn’t care. But a little boy that looked like Roy sure would be great. Had his beautiful eyes, and maybe my dark hair. A little boy with chubby legs and a tiny tummy. I smiled at the little boy as he ran up to me and grabbed my legs.

“I’m so sorry!” his mother said as she ran over to grab him. “When are you due?”

“April.” I answered her and made a silly face at her son.

“Wow! You look great!

For some reason, I never believe this compliment. Perhaps it’s because I feel so fat, and blobbish when I am pregnant. I love it, but I don’t think this is a good look for me.

I laughed, “Thanks! Don’t always feel great though!”

She nodded her head, and wished me luck, as I got up to join Roy and the boys as they came out of the store with a huge bag.

“What did you buy?” I asked.

The boys pulled out a huge stuffed Eeyore dressed in plaid pajamas.

“It’s for the baby, Mom!” Joey exclaimed proudly.

“Well, I am sure he will love it!” I answered and hugged him to me. “Now, can we please go get something to eat?”

“OH! Can we go to the Rainforest Café?” Corey loved to eat, even then.

“Fine. Let’s go see what the wait is.” And I did my best to move the kids along towards the restaurant.

Going to the mall with everyone, especially Tyson’s, is an all day affair. We ate dinner, walked around some more, and then piled back into the car to head back to the hotel.

I don’t know what we did the next day-Sunday. And Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday was all about getting the boys up, getting them fed (free continental breakfast!) and taking Corey and Joey to school. But I remember Wednesday night.

I was going to have my sonogram on Thursday, and I could barely contain my excitement. My stomach was already big, and Roy is tall, so the little beds we were sleeping in didn’t make a good night sleep easy for me to come by. I must have drifted off though, because before I knew it, I was sitting outside. It was a beautiful park, with flowers blooming all around me. I sat down, and suddenly my grandfather was sitting next to me. I don’t remember him, my father’s father, but my mother often told me how wonderful he was. He was a kind, honest hardworking man and I remember a picture of him holding me. He looked so happy, and so much like my father.

“Hi Chrissy,” he said. My grandmother still called me that, even at 29 years old.

“Hi. Who’s baby is that?” I asked him, looking at the tiny little boy he held.

“This is your baby. You know, you’re having another boy right?”

I woke with a start, and turned to soothe Roy as he stirred. I cradled my belly and smiled. I was going to have a boy! Soon after, I got the boys up, and looked out the window, snow blanketed the ground. School was canceled, so the sonogram was going to be a family affair. I pushed Roy out of bed and into the bathroom, which he shuffled over to grunting and groaning at the cold and early hour. The boys were excited, and I think each of them was hoping they would get a little sister. After our standard continental breakfast, waffles and OJ, we all piled into the car to head up to the doctor’s office.

I walked into the office happily. I knew what the technician was going to say. I just wanted confirmation. We signed in and sat down to wait. Luckily there was a small room for the boys with a TV that played cartoons, so they were occupied for the time being. After a short wait, my name was called and I was brought into the room to get ready for the procedure. Roy came back a few minutes later, and sat down next to me. He took my hand, as he always does at times like this, and rubbed my arm tenderly. The technician did his thing, taking measurements, verifying my expected due date, etc. And then he asked the question:

“Do you want to know the sex?”

Roy didn’t mind being surprised, I wanted to know. I wanted to know if my dream was just an overactive imagination coupled with pregnancy hormones, or maybe, just maybe, it was something more.

“I do, yes.” And I squeezed Roy’s hand a little tighter.

“It’s a boy!” and he pointed out the tell tale sign.

Roy laughed, and I felt a tear creep down my cheek. I knew it! My dream was something more than just a dream. Perhaps it’s silly, but I will never forget that. It was a sign. I got up and cleaned up my sticky belly. Roy helped me off the table, and we went out to tell the boys. They laughed too, and Corey asked if the baby was ok. We went outside, piled everyone back into the car, and I called my parents. My mom answered the phone and laughed when I told her it was another boy! She told me she was happy that we were both doing ok, and I hung up. I think we went out for lunch, and probably went back to the hotel to take advantage of the indoor pool. The rest of my pregnancy was uneventful. We moved into our new house, got the two older boys settled into their new school, and I did my best to stay out of Roy’s way as he got the nursery ready. Because we lived so far from my OB (I opted not to switch to someone closer since I was so far along) and my previous boy’s had been big, my doctor decided to induce me. Hayden was scheduled to come into the world on. TAX DAY!

We woke up bright and early that morning and headed to the hospital. Along the way, I called into the hospital. They were packed, and I had to wait to come in! I was NOT happy. I was ready to do this, and I wanted to hold my little boy in my arms. Roy turned the car around, and we went home. I watched Armageddon and fumed. I couldn’t eat anything, and I was starving! Around 9 am we got the call. I was to come in, and they would hold the room for me since we were about 45 minutes away. Like my pregnancy, the delivery was uneventful. They started the Pitocin drip about 10:45, and I settled in for the long day. I remember Roy decided to torture me and watch food network. Wouldn’t you know it, Paula Deen was making pulled pork! Snot!

Anyways, things moved along slowly, but around three I started to feel it. I asked for IV medication, hoping to avoid an epidural. The medication made me loopy. I asked Roy if we had dogs, which we did. I KNEW I sounded ridiculous, but for some reason my mouth wouldn’t cooperate with my brain. After a few hours, I gave up and admitted it. the IV medication wasn’t cutting it, and I was exhausted. I asked for an epidural, and was able to get some sleep. In fact, I had to be woken up and told it was time to push! Got to love modern medicine!

Hayden finally came into this world that evening. He was tiny though, just under eight pounds, but he was perfect. And everyone remarked on how much hair he had! He was an easy baby, and luckily he took to nursing like nobody’s business. In fact, he never lost any weight in the hospital (which is normal for most babies) but gained weight instead! It was a sign of things to come! We went home the next day, and settled in. That first night was rough. He was so little, and I worried. I found myself crying a lot (hormones!) and constantly asking Roy if he thought Hayden was ok. He was fine, though at this point I think Roy was starting to worry about me. My parents brought the boys home two days later, and Roy’s parents brought our dogs home. I decided to cook dinner for everyone. Not sure what I made, but I remember thinking. I just had a baby, why am I doing this? But it was fun! Hayden met his brothers, all his grandparents and our dogs that same day.

The first year of Hayden’s life flew by. I would take him out and people always remarked on his thick head of hair, and asked how old he was. They usually guessed four or five months older than he actually was, and then were surprised when I told them his actually age. He was my big boy! Off the charts in both height and weight for that first year of his life. His first birthday was celebrated at home with just family, and I have tons of pictures with Hayden, chocolate cake, and a really messy face!

Before I knew it, we were debating on whether or not to sign Hayden up for preschool. When we decided that it might, at least, help him become more social it was too late! We were on the waiting list! Time passed, and I figured we didn’t get in, but two days before school was to start I got a phone call. Someone dropped out, and Hayden was in. if we wanted to sign him up, that is! Preschool wasn’t cheap, but I thought at the very least he would make some friends, and I would get a few hours to myself. He was shy those first few weeks, but eventually, he settled in. And then it was time for him to start his four year old preschool classes! It was more of the same thing, he was shy at first, but eventually he settled in and made a few good friends. Dean was about seven months old when Hayden started his second year of preschool, and my Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings were crazy! Rushing to get the three older boys off to school, trying to get Hayden fed and dressed, nursing the baby, hoping I looked semi-decent at drop off. Luckily Roy works from home, so more often than not, he was up and could tend to Dean while I dropped Hayden off at preschool.

Before I knew it, it was April of 2009, and it was time to sign Hayden up for kindergarten. The way they handle sign ups in our neck of the woods is that parents fill out all the necessary paperwork, and the children are taken to another room with a teacher and tested on their skills. This did not go well. First off, we had to wait for about two hours, so Hayden was restless. Second, he didn’t know the person doing the testing, so he was scared and did not want to follow her. Third, since he was scared and shy, he didn’t want to answer some of the questions and that lowered his score. I already knew he didn’t know how to read, but he is very quiet when he doesn’t know you. I almost laughed when I was given his test score- 32 out of 100. I knew what Roy would say!

“Are you kidding me?” he asked me when I gave him the test paper. “I spent all that money for play dates, right? Dean is NOT going to that preschool!”

I laughed. Yep. I was right. knew he was going to say that!

The first day of kindergarten was so hard for me! Hayden was my little guy. and I had to put him on a bus and send him away! But at least he had Addi to show him the ropes and watch out for him on the bus. We got lucky and Hayden’s teacher for kindergarten was a lovely, young lady. She was kind, but firm and had more patience than anyone I had ever met. Just what Hayden needed! His reading teacher was equally wonderful! Encouraging, funny and engaging. Hayden’s report cards reflected his growing confidence, and by the fourth quarter he had earned a promotion in his reading class! I can’t tell you how nice it was to go into a conference because our child was doing so well the teacher wanted to make sure we knew, rather than our child is being a pain in the butt! As we try to get Hayden ready for first grade, I am filled with jitters. Addi is starting middle school, so Hayden is on his own. Roy tells me I am silly and that Hayden will do just fine, and although my head knows that, my heart is just sad to see my little guy growing up so quickly!