As I mentioned in one of my previous posts…I love magazines. Every so often, I will find an article that really speaks to me. It might be about keeping a clean kitchen (yes, it speaks to me, but I don’t have much luck with this!) a new recipe (I rip it out and add it to my drawer…I now have about 200+ thinks I need to make for my family), fashion-maybe a purse or some shoes I want to check out, but often it is about parenting. This month’s “Good Housekeeping” has an article written by Bari Nan Cohen entitled “10 Tips From the Mom of 10.” Betty and Eric Hayes have 10 children-3 sets of multiples! Twin 13 year old boys, twin 10 year old girls and sextuplets-3 boys and 3 girls-age 4. This is a big family, and while I knew they were getting their own show on TLC, (Table for 12) I have never seen it, though I did see them on Oprah, or maybe Rachael Ray…not sure which one. I liked them, they seem to have a good sense of humor about everything, and they realize that letting your child cry it out isn’t going to kill anyone. So let’s run down Betty’s tips:
1) Don’t overschedule-While I agree, I admit to thinking…DUH! This goes for families with 10 kids and families with one. Kids need to be kids, and sometimes that means running around outside with friends, vegging out in front of the TV or just dumping out all 9,850,000 of their lego pieces and just going to town. An overscheduled child, equals a burned out mom.
2) Skip some golden childhood moments-If your kids don’t get a chance to fingerpaint it’s ok. You aren’t depriving them of some life changing event, you are simply making your own life easier..and as “R” would say, “Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that!”
3) Pick your priorities-If ten years will your kids remember that your kitchen was spotless or that mom got down and dirty with them amidst the legos? Here’s a hint…legos are a lot more fun!
4) Respect the Juniors-this is a big one for us. Though our kids sometimes drive us crazy, respect is important. Why should they respect us if we don’t respect them? Respecting our kids doesn’t mean they will always get their way, but will it hurt me if I listen to their feelings, BEFORE I crush their desires? Probably not.
5) Defuse the Drama-This is a tough one for me, as I often feel I am at my most decisive when I am dealing with the drama. The kids start fussing and fighting and my head suddenly clears…I know what I have to do. But there are times when I tell the kids, “You bleeding? Got a broken bone? Nope, ok good…deal with it!” They get to take a breath, and then they usually realize that it is OK if their brother looked at them, then they run off and go on with their life. NOT everything needs to be a 3 hour family discussion.
6) Get creative with a dollar-I am all about this, though Betty says she never buys the kids happy meals or kids meals. IF I take my kids to Burger King…it’s all about the silly treat, and if they eat their little burger, great…if not, I know they got a fun, special treat. Buy your kids a happy meal once in awhile! Skip that third bottle of wine…
7) Accept what you can’t change-again…I agree, but this is kind of a DUH! My oldest son isn’t an athlete, and trying to turn him into one would be a lesson in futility, so why bother? But he has so many other talents, that for me to try and turn him into something he isn’t would be to ignore all the other amazing things he can do.
8) Encourage strong sibling ties-Couldn’t agree more! OUr oldest two babysit occasionally, and we make sure the little kids know that when they are babysitting big brother is in charge, but when mommy and daddy are home, WE are the parents. I admit that this irks me sometimes…IF I am standing right there, you don’t need to correct your little brother, I will…you worry about yourself.
9) Create Family Rituals-My favorite…I will cook, but the kids get to clean up! No seriously, family dinner is my favorite. We have so many great discussions at dinner-be they funny, serious, ridiculous, etc. Family dinner is great. I want it to be a sacred time…and with the boys getting older that isn’t always easy, but for now…they are pretty good about being home for this.
10) Redefine couple time-I hear this a lot from new parents…”OH, the baby might burp for the 100th time tonight, we can’t put him down early or hire a sitter!” Yeah, yeah….IF mom and dad aren’t together, neither is the family so don’t forget why you have junior in the first place. You love your spouse, make sure they know that. And if it means, stealing some time in the afternoon when baby is napping and the older boys are in school…DO IT! Hire a sitter every once in awhile, but don’t forget that the love you feel for your spouse is why you are a parent in the first place.
