Yep you read that right, we are going to be welcoming another member of our clan into our home sometime in January. Perhaps we might have to look at a different name for the site if we have a little girl!
It was funny, I was ready to put my dreams of another baby to rest. It had been a little over 6 months, and I was tired of feeling let down. I didn’t like the fact that I was feeling betrayed by my own body. It is silly to feel this way, other couples have struggled with infertility for years, spent thousands of dollars on that slim chance they can have a baby, and here I was mad at something I had never been betrayed by before simply because I am impatient.
I had in fact told my husband that I didn’t think I could do this anymore, and BAM! the next day the EPT stick shows positive. I like to think it was ‘someone’s’ way of telling me that I can’t control everything, and the sooner I realize that the better. R was supportive as always, I think in his heart he always felt this was my decision, and while I know he wants this baby as much as I do, I understand that seeing me hurt, sad, frustrated or whatever I was feeling isn’t something my husband can handle easily. R is a quiet man, something that at times frustrates me. I am not a quiet person by nature. I will laugh, yell, scream, chat and basically make a huge ruckus, but rarely does R do this. That isn’t to say he can’t get his point across when he has one that needs to be made, it just means we do things differently. Though it frustrates me I can’t imagine how this house would be if he was as ‘expressive’ as I was all the time. He wants to make me happy, sometimes he does so at his own expense, and I want him to realize I understand how selfish I can be sometimes. I hope he realizes that the sacrifices he makes for me and our family don’t go unnoticed.
Yes, we are having another baby. I keep track of how many weeks I have to go, and I sit here with hives and splotches all over my body and sigh that 25 weeks is forever, and R patiently tells me…”NO, honey, it really isn’t.” And to be honest, as miserable as I am right now..I know he is right. Of course, for me everything hinges on whether or not this is a boy or a girl. I was in Target today, and I will be honest..I don’t WANT to be yellow or green onesies and sheets! I want PINK or BLUE! R on the other hand is perfectly cool with letting it all be a surprise, and yet I know he will let me find out because it makes me happy.
I just want him to know I love him…and that I couldn’t do ANY of this without him by my side.
