I will be the first to admit that I don’t always think grades tell the whole story. They tell us if our kids are doing their homework, but they don’t necessarily tell us if they understand the material. Tests tell us that our kids can perform under pressure, not necessarily that they understand the material. So, I can let a few bad grades slip. Perhaps something came up, maybe they didn’t feel good, maybe they simply forgot. Once or twice, I can let go. Oh, you bet your behind, I’ll say something to them (maybe a lot of somethings), but I’m not gonna bring the hammer down just yet.
BUT what happens when your child doesn’t understand the material? Do you let them ‘figure it out themselves’ and then punish them for poor performance? Do you give them advice on how to better their understanding of the material? Do you help them understand the material? How far do you take it?
With the older boys (Corey and Joe), we make sure they know that we are here to help them, all they have to do is ask. For a time, I will assume that if they don’t ask, they don’t need help. But our school system uses a program that allows us to monitor grades online. We can see attendance, homework grades, etc… and if I start to see D’s and F’s on a regular basis, I step in.
At first, I simply ask them what is going on. If they tell me that they got caught up in a “Call of Duty” game, I give them a certain amount of time to rectify things. Usually a few weeks. If things don’t improve, the games or other treats get taken away.
But if they tell us they really tried, and they are having trouble with the material, Roy and I go over what they can do about that. Roy handles Math and Science, I take English and History. Many times it’s as simple as getting a different perspective. I think we have been lucky in that regards.
With Addi, things are a bit different. He has some organizational issues. He forgets to bring home his text book, he doesn’t write down homework, and because of that, his grades suffer. And we approach it the same way, he gets a warning and a few weeks to improve. If that doesn’t work, I tell him he is to write down his homework and have his teachers initial his agenda (if he has no homework in a certain class, I tell him to write down None and have them initial it). That worked well last year. Then when he gets home, we go over what he has to do, he does it, and then shows it to me or Roy so that I can go over it. I try not to change answers, unless he asks for help. My goal is to get him to take responsibility for his work and NOT use his ADHD as an excuse for being disorganized. There have been times when we have asked for a conference with the teacher. Most of the time, email works very well and his teachers are happy to work with Roy and I.
Hayden is only in second grade this year, but he is on the right road to understanding that homework is to be done, that you need to go over the material, and prepare for tests.
Am I doing too much? I don’t do the work for them. I know one mother that reads over her daughters history and science chapters and then works up an outline for her. I think that is going a bit far. Isn’t that the child’s job? On the other hand, I know another mother that says she figures she would just let her daughter learn to deal with things on her own. I get it… said daughter is 14 and needs to learn to take some responsibility. On the other hand, said daughter is 14 and doesn’t know everything. She still needs SOME guidance. And if we simply ignore our children in the HOPES that they will get it, if we don’t check in once in awhile and see if they are struggling, is it then fair to get mad at them when they don’t do as well as we expect them too?