I admit that I like things to be planned out. We took our boys to DisneyWorld a couple of years ago, and I made dinner reservations, planned which parks we would visit on what day, scheduled in time for shopping and even ’scheduled’ free time. The way I figure it…we paid a lot of money to spend that week there, I want to get my money’s worth. R would rather we just sort of wing it…but what happens if we miss something? And this is part of the reason I HATE ‘vacations.’ They aren’t fun for me! I know…I know…I should relax and enjoy it…but I don’t. The kids are out of the element, so there is that issue of the ‘new and surprising.’ Anyone with kids knows that isn’t always easy to counteract, when you have kids that NEED to be on a schedule. I can deal with the money, after all we all need to get away from the daily grind, so we have to save money, OR you dump it all on a credit card..which for my husband and I causes more stress, so our option is to save money….not always easy to do. But ok….fine, we do it. MY problem is…we are expecting another baby..and we have NOTHING. We thought H was going to be our last…so we got rid of everything. We are going to spend all this money, and all I can think is….there are SO many other things we need to get.

BUT, for me the big thing is…and I realize this is probably petty and selfish, but R and the boys don’t seem to get why I dread this. I am almost five months pregnant, I get carsick driving 20 minutes from the house….does anyone REALLY think I am excited about an 11 hour drive? I have a bacterial infection compounded by my hormones….and lucky me I get to drive to a WARMER climate with two dogs and four kids. Now, I am not going to sit here and complain about my inlaws…I adore my mother and father in law. There have been a number of instances where I talk to my in laws rather than my own parents. In the chronicles of inlaws…I was blessed, I admit that. BUT, all I want from my family is for them to admit and acknowledge that this is NOT going to be easy for me. NOT once did anyone suggest an alternative…it was just assumed that I would suck it up and deal with it, well guess what? That is what I have been doing for the last month..while hives, scabs and this mysterious rash racked my body….I have sucked up the last four months of vomiting, dry heaves and just general exhaustion, and in the end…ALL I want is an offer to maybe invite my inlaws to our home, or to at least admit that this trip is going to be rough, but it means something to R and the kids. Instead, I am the bad guy because I have these feelings! And perhaps that is what bothers me the most….I feel guilty for feeling this way, because R and the boys are usually NEVER this blind when it comes to my feelings. Perhaps I AM selfish for feeling this way.

hearing these two things specifically:

1) I just can’t do anything! This often come from people with ONE child…they can’t bathe, cook dinner, go out, etc. And yet, how come those of us with MORE than one child seem to get it done? No, I don’t have outside help, though at this point I don’t think my husband would be opposed to hiring someone to come in and clean a few times a year. (I admit it…I am not the best housekeeper in the world, but our dishes and clothes are always clean, and for the most part the house would pass a cursory inspection.) Not having a spic and span house aside, for the most part my husband and I get things done. I manage to bathe daily, my legs are even shaved year round! I make time during the day to sit down and watch something just for me….General Hospital much to the annoyment of my husband and children. I usually am able to get SOME sort of dinner on the table, and occasionally when I feel really ambitious I will do something for lunch as well. The bottom line is just because you have kids doesn’t mean your life is over, and I am so tired to hearing people complain about that. IF you can’t get what you need to get done during the day, you might want to sit down and check out your time management skills. Granted when you have kids your priorities will change. I have no interest in blow drying my hair everyday, and putting on a full face of makeup, but I make sure my hair is clean and I look presentable when we run to the store. My clothes don’t all have designer labels, but they are clean, they match and I look somewhat fashionable. (Our kids dress better than we do, but I am sure most parents can relate to that.) With four kids, and right now I am coaching summer swim, I don’t have time to cook big meals every night (Or every two nights and then we eat leftovers as I try to do in the off season), but there IS food to eat in the house, and whenever I feel up to it I try to put something together. You CAN get it done, it just takes a bit more juggling.

And two, and this has ALWAYS bugged the heck out of me….”Four boys! ARe you guys going to try for a girl?” Now, before I get into this let me say..YES, I am pregnant, but the idea here was we wanted ONE more baby. We felt we had room in our hearts and home for one more child, so we went for it. I didn’t go into this thinking…I NEED a girl, I need a girl. If we have a girl, great…if we have a boy, great, we just want a healthy baby. That said….It has always bothered me that people feel because I have four sons, something is missing in my life…specifically a little girl. There have been times in my life when I thought…a girl would be great! And then I look at my boys and think….wow, that means I am going to have to learn to do hair, put on makeup and attend ballet class. I have no problem doing any of that, but I will be honest I am more comfortable at the pool than the dance hall. I can deal with my rough and tumble little boys, can I handle a girly-girl? BUT, I disgress….why do strangers, who know nothing about me or my family, assume I am walking around with a hole in my heart because I can’t buy pink dresses and lip gloss? Is that the goal of parents…to have AT LEAST one of each, so that they don’t miss out on anything?

My husband can let this roll right off his back, and while I won’t call someone out for their complaints or give someone attitude for assuming I want a little girl, I find these comments irksome. And yet, I have to wonder…after the baby is born, will I do the same thing to complete strangers?!

You can’t please all of the people all of the time, but there are some people you can’t please ANY of the time!!

I coach swimming, and I love my job. Right now I coach a summer league team (short season, only about seven weeks) and I coach for one of the local high schools. I think I am a good coach. I have a lot of experience, I have children of my own and I think the whole mom vibe works well for me, and most of all…I love what I do. I love the water, I love the kids, and I love seeing them excited to learn new things, I love seeing them complete that last lap of a 500 Meter freestyle and the smile of satisfaction that lights up their face.

What I do NOT love is the attitude that some people bring to the (pool) deck. I, and maybe this is naive of me, think that I am hired to do a job, one I take great pride in. Because I am hired to do that job, I would think that the parents trust me to do this job I have been hired for….however, I find out that is not the case EVERY season, and EVERY season I am surprised to find this out! You would think after seven years it would be old hat by now, and nothing would surprise me….but that just isn’t the case. You have the parents of the struggling seven year old…the little boy that is just happy to get across the pool, and mom and dad are wondering why I am not throwing him into every event at the swim meets. You have the parents of the older child, that thinks their child can not do 4 laps in a meet. Nevermind that this child does 50+ laps in practice, in a meet they just can’t do it. And yet, it isn’t nerves, but something else. Well…what is it?! I mean if this child has a physical ailment, I would like to know what it is, so that I don’t overwork them, or if something happens in practice I am prepared for it.

And let’s not forget the “I used to swim, so I know what I am doing” Parent. You used to swim…Great! So, did I, and now I am the one coaching…not you, so please have some faith in me.

I am sure this all sounds naive, that after this many years, and this many seasons, I should be prepared for this, I should expect this. But there is still that little spark inside me that things…this MIGHT be it…this might be the season that ALL the ducks fall into a row…and I kind of figure, when that spark is gone, well, when I lose that spark I think it’s time for me to stop coaching.

The Never Ending Quest for a Clean Laundry Room!!!

I have four boys, whom I love dearly, but between them, three dogs, two tanks of fish, a gecko, my husband and I the laundry never stops! I swear there are days it actually reproduces and taunts me. It isn’t enough that occasionally the washing machine, or maybe it’s the dryer who knows, eats one sock, but now the washing machine is constantly dumping water into the machine. Is it trying to tell me something? Are our clothes so disgusting that it really needs to dump EXTRA water into it, or does it just like hearing me call for my husband frantically? Is it a conspiracy with the dryer to flood the laundry room, so that I have to use more towels to clean it up, thereby making MORE laundry I need to wash and dry? Mind you, I am not really sitting here in fear, thinking that inanimate objects are conspiring against me, but the alternative is just too painful for me! If it isn’t a conspiracy, then something is wrong with my machine.

Now, I like to think I am a pretty rational person, though I am sure my husband and older boys would say differently, but when it comes to appliance malfunctions, flat tires, or car repairs I am just useless. In the summer, I pray that our air conditioning won’t need repairs as the thought of sweltering in my own house just makes my blood run cold. I get a flat tire and for some reason it becomes my husband’s fault; nevermind that he is 30 miles away. My washing machine starts to act wonky, and I start to fear I am cursed. Nevermind that my husband is a pretty darn handy guy, or that we have a phone book and the money to pay a repairman. Nope, in the end it is just the universe paying me back for not telling the cashier at Walmart that she undercharged me for a bucket of strawberries.

Yes, you read that right…R is cheating on me. His mistress..I don’t know a Dell maybe, no wait It says MultiSync on here…is that a brand? I don’t know…either way, I must compete with the World Wide Web, with coding, and the myriad other things my husband farts around with on his computer. I have had four kids…and while I think I look ok for squeezing four human beings out, I am no computer monitor. I don’t like up with the flick of a button, I don’t magically transform my look with the stroke of a few keys.

If you were here you would hear me sighing in frustration. My husband thinks it is funny, and while for the most part my jealousy of his ‘girlfriend’ is something I can laugh, I must admit that I do gringe with jealousy when we walk into CompUsa. The green eyed monster DOES come out when he tells me of something else he bought for his computer, and I do in my own way try to discourage this, but then again…he doesn’t say a whole lot when I buy a new purse….

First, please excuse any misspellings, between this new keyboard and my fake nails, I might have a tough time. That said, Marriage, could it be anymore fun.
I adore my husband, I do…I love the man more everyday. Yes, sounds cliched, but I have found it true. There are days when he will do something, sweet or kind with one of our sons and my heart skips a beat. BUT, I have also discovered that the man I married is flawless, now don’t get me wrong, I know noone is perfect and I certainly don’t think my husband is, but somehow HE beleives he is.

For instance, the other day…he is pushing up on me, I am PMSing I am exhausted (we do have four little boys, two dogs of our own and we were watching my in-laws two dogs) I asked him nicely, “Honey, please stop, and let me get dressed.” He walked away, said I was a total bitch and slammed our bathroom door. About an hour later, I jokingly said that he had ‘issues’ he asked what that was supposed to mean…I said, well you are sarcastic and you can be rude, his reply…”Yeah, cause I have to deal with you.” IS it that sarcasm he is famous for, or am I truly the cause of all our marital strife? If so, how is a person like me…can be a bitch at times, tired, exhausted, slightly chubby with sagging boobs…supposed to deal with being married to a perfect man?

There are times I don’t think I can…deal with it that is. He works hard and has made many sacrifices for this family, which can cause me to pull up that mental scorecard I find myself keeping in my heart. He did this for the family, have I made a sacrifice on par with his. Was mine more worthy of note than his was? If not, how can I play the martyr?

Bottom line, I can’t. It isn’t in my nature. I can joke about it, and even resent him sometimes, but in the end my pride in my husband rules out any need to keep track of who is better at the martyr game.

aka…when to smack the crap out of someone
OK…not a cool subject blurb I know, but you can’t tell me there aren’t times when you don’t want to do just that.

I’ll start with my husband…see my previous post. I adore the man, and I can’t deny that, but there are still days when I just want to smack him.

Same with my kids…I stay home with them, and I try to be patient, I really do, but the constant bickering, name calling and whining makes me just want to scream at times.

And you know..there are people who will say, kids are kids, they say stupid things, let them be. Unfortunately, I am not one of them. There is this boy…rude, little thing that repeatedly calls my husband and I stupid and fat, blah, blah, blah. I am just waiting for the day that my oldest son pops this kid. And truthfully, there is just the tiniest part of me that thinks this kid deserves it.