I am a fidgety person. If I am watching something on TV, I will also be reading, or occasionally working on my cross stitch, because I just don’t know how to relax without feeling guilty. By guilty I mean, I should be doing something more constructive. (Occasionally a good book will completely enthrall me, and I will be able to relax, as long as I can do ten loads of laundry, five sinks of dishes, and clean the next day.)

However, when my husband leaves, it gets worse. I can’t fall asleep at night because I just think of things I should be doing; I can’t just relax and play with the kids because I have so many other things I think are just as important. Recently, Roy went to Denver for a week; it was late on Wednesday (at this point he had been gone since Sunday) and I had a horrible heachache. So, I decided to take a bath. While sitting in the tub, praying for my medicine to kick in, it dawned on me. I don’t want to go to bed, because I am alone. I figured out that one of the things I most look forward to is curling up next to the big, warm body of my husband. I like to joke that he is always warm, and since I am always cold, I use him as kind of a personal heating blanket, but when he is gone… well, obviously I am alone in our big bed.

Roy keeps me sane; he likes to joke that I am anal and probably have a touch of OCD. He is right. I probably do, but for some reason when he is around… it is ok if my purse isn’t sitting precisely three inches from the computer. It is ok if all the dishes are not washed, if the laundry basket is almost full, because I can be with him.

Now, I realize if you read this you are going to think… WOW, talk about co-dependent. Far from it… when Roy is around I think I can do anything. Not only do I not have to worry about someone taking good care of the kids, but I appreciate his quiet encouragement. I appreciate knowing there is someone that thinks that I can do anything. There are times when I wonder why he isn’t praising me for doing this or that, why he isn’t telling me to “Go out and do it.” And then it dawns on me, it is because there is never and was never any doubt in his mind that I could do it, nor does it dawn on him that I doubt myself. You often hear talk of people finding their soul mates. Well I found mine. I never wonder if I will get bored with him. I never doubt that we will grow old together. I never doubt that I made the right decision to take a chance and fall in love again.